Julie's Pink Link

This One's for Virginia

2011-03-20T21:25:00.000-04:00

Ted and I were having a quiet Sunday morning when the phone rang. It was my nearly 100-year-old mom and she was crying. She was crying because she had just learned that our favorite nurse, Virginia, who is our "rock" in my mom's care...had just shared with my mom that she has breast cancer. She is 38 years old, has a kindergartner and a 15 month old baby. She just had her first round of chemo and will have surgery when the chemo is done. So the first thing I wanted to do is to post this, so that all my prayer warriors can now become Virginia's army too!

Virginia asked me what to expect and here's what I shared:

You are the appropriate focus of attention, but you will quickly realize that it's a family diagnosis...it will greatly affect your husband, your kids and those you love the most. So remind people to care for them too.
Keep working if you can, but at a reduced level. It helps to have something else to focus on during treatment and a reason you have to get going on the days when you don't really feel like it.
Be prepared for a long journey that extends 2-3 years beyond the end of your "official" treatment. The end of treatment is really just the beginning of climbing your way back up the hill to feeling good again.
Lower your standards and give yourself a break. Get rid of anything that takes your time that doesn't really need to be done or obligations that others can fill for now.
Party a lot....losing your hair?...make a party out of it. Just finished another round of chemo? Time for a great glass of wine. Celebrate all the steps along the way and mark them off as major victories to celebrate with those you love the most.
Talk to people who've gone thru it for advice, but remember that your cancer is your own...there are many differences in treatment, but there are common coping strategies that survivors can help you with.

So Virginia...if you read this blog...this one's for you! I will be thinking of and honoring you as I walk the Race for the Cure on April 16th!

Zumba-Schwumba

2011-01-23T19:54:00.000-05:00

Ah the best laid plans. I went to my first Zumba class a couple of weeks ago and had an absolute blast....loved it! But the next day was not pretty...my old ACL-repaired left knee blew up..swollen and painful.

Once again, a little-talked-about sequelae of cancer treatment...you don't feel good, you aren't as active, you lose muscle strength that's hard to get back. So after a quick trip to the knee surgeon, the net/net is that there's no Zumba in my immediate future. I've got lots of cycling and "elliptical-ing" ahead plus some serious strength training. Turns out my left leg is one third weaker than my right leg..YIKES! He doesn't even want me to walk for exercise.

So it's me and Teddy at the local YMCA for the next few months! Just another reminder that if you don't use it...ya lose it...and the losing is at a fast and furious rate at our age! Where are you Jane Fonda?

22 Goals Now Become 23!

2011-01-17T20:00:00.001-05:00

Forget the 22 goals...I've now added another! Any of you who know me well will smile knowingly as you read this! Today, Starbuck's announced a NEW even bigger sized drink...called the TRENTA!

It's a full 916 ml (that's about 30 ounces) of pure Starbuck's bliss! And for you physiologists out there, you're right!

That's a full 16 ml more than the average human stomach can hold! They say that a Trenta coffee will have more caffeine than two Red Bulls...YIKES!

But who's counting? All I know is I wanna be first in line...my Venti Awake Hot Tea is now my Trenta Awake Hot Tea!

I'm pumped...literally!

Zumba Update

2011-01-13T19:00:00.002-05:00

I don't want to brag...but I just blew past the beginner level on Zumba-XKinect so watch this girlfriends...the ole' Jules is now OPERATIN' on the Club Level!

I'm just sayin!

ZZZZZ-U-M-B-A!

2011-01-12T11:12:00.000-05:00

Have you heard of Zumba? The exercise style developed by a dancer in Columbia and brought to the U.S. in the late 90's that combines salsa, merengue dancing with exercise?

I first saw it when we were walking downtown this past summer and came upon about 200 people all doing a Zumba class together outside on the Indy Circle. Right there on the sidewalk, I couldn't stop myself from starting to move my hips and feet to the beat and decided then and there, that when I felt better...ZUMBA was for me!

Welllll, I attended my first class at our local YMCA two days ago! As I walked into this room of 20 and 30-somethings, I knew I was in trouble, but then I found "Lori" who looked about my age....and she came right over to me as if she was as worried as I felt!

All I can say is that I had a blast! While the younger gals were I'm sure at heart rates in the 90-100's, I'm sure I was up above 180...but I didn't care. I haven't tried to sway my hips like that in awhile which made me laugh right out loud. But Lori and I did the best we could to keep up and laughed our way through it all!

One thing I know for sure...Zumba is now part of my exercise plan! You should try it...great stress relief too!

It's Been a Long Time!

2011-01-06T20:44:00.000-05:00

I know, I know...you have waited and waited and many of you have contacted me just to make sure I'm OK.

I am OK...just not myself yet. My tests have all been great..which is a real praise. I'm able to work, to travel, to play (tho' not as much as I'd like yet) and to keep at life at a fairly normal pace, tho' it tires me more than I'm used to...to do so. I keep reminding myself how great I've got it...as I go in for my treatments every 3 months and see nearly everyone in the infusion center worse off than me.

Part of me wants to put this chapter behind me. But the honest truth is...the whole cancer experience is not behind me. I promised myself that this blog would reflect my true experience and that I would keep it up until I felt fully recovered and had accomplished all of my recovery goals. As you'll see to the right of this blog...I'm not there yet!

So what's the story on that? Well, if anyone had told me that treatment would knock me down as much as it did...if it had just been all about me, I would like to think I would have reconsidered. But the truth is...I wanted more than anything to ease my kid's and Ted's minds, so I likely would have made the same decisions.

It's been so surprising really...all the stuff that goes wrong with your body as a result of treatment. I can't pass by someone with a cold without getting it...although victory was mine as my granddaughter had a doozie at Christmas and for the first time...I didn't get it. I had a major bout of flu in early November that knocked me out for 5 days in bed and another 3 at home, then another 3 at work when I likely shouldn't have been. I've finally conquered the plantar fasciitis in both feet that plagued me from the very beginning. Apparently the chemo kills rapidly reproducing cells, so it's not that the connective tissue in my feet was deficient, but rather the replacement tissue so needed to keep my feet renewed was inadequate resulting in literally having my soles look like bubble wrap...ouch!

The sequelae of this was LIMITED EXERCISE which means I'm still FAT! Losing the 15 pounds gained during treatment has proven the tallest challenge. The picture here is of us hiking in Muir Woods which was fun but embarrassing as everyone did fine but had to wait on me to stop now and then to slow my heart rate.

Then's there's the thrush...which means a Candida infection in my mouth and throat which has steadily worsened since treatment. My oncologist acted like it was no big deal and reluctantly prescribed a prescription mouth gargle...WORTHLESS! Then I convinced another doc to prescribe me an oral med....nearly effective, but the moment I finished it...the thrush returned. After researching it in the literature...it's a common sequelae of treatment and also the Zometa drug I'm still receiving and can cause major systemic symptoms...foggy cognitive processing, joint aches, inability to lose weight...you got it...many of the symptoms that still plague me. So I'm going to try probiotics to try and restore the normal flora that eat these yeast critters!

I know I rarely whine...but I'm sick of it and I mean it! (a common phrase of two-year-olds and appropriate for this written tantrum!). I can't put two weeks together where I really even feel OK.

I talk with like-treated women and they all tell me it took them 2-3 years to feel better from treatment. I'm 18 months out. I just wish my doc's would have prepared me better...it's frustrating to have your expectations not met, so I wouldn't have developed them had I known. I'm determined to help correct this for other women.

So that's why I'm keeping the blog up. I also think it's useful as a reminder that if you know someone who has gone through treatment...the end of treatment is not the end of their cancer experience...it's only the beginning point of the healing process. I didn't at all get that before and feel badly that I wasn't as supportive as I should have been to good friends who have gone through cancer treatment. So if you read this and are more aware, then it's worth it to me to keep writing.

I'm eating super healthy foods which is nothing new for me...sleeping 9-10 hours a night...continuing my weight training...starting aerobic exercise at the YMCA 2 blocks from our house...and enjoying life as much as I can. Here's to feeling like myself again!

There's a Song in My Heart...and er...In Our House!

2010-09-18T11:56:00.000-04:00

Teddy and I are having the coolest experience. Nine days ago, we picked up Yoonshin Song from the airport and we are officially her "host parents" as she competes in the International Violin Competition here in Indianapolis. This competition is one of the three most coveted and important violin competitions in the world. Who knew right? The winner of this competition has their career "set" so to speak, with a Carnegie Hall debut, a record contract, and the use of a multi-million Stradivarius violin for the next four years.

Yoonshin was born in South Korea but has lived here in NYC and Boston. studying for the last six years. Thanks to our neighbors, Roxanne and Tom and Cindy and Matt, Yoonshin was well cared for as we traveled north of Seattle last weekend for a dear friend's wedding, so we missed her preliminary round performance.

Good news though...found out Wednesday night that she made the cut from 40 to 16 in the semi-final round! We leave in just a few minutes for her semi-final performance and as I write this....beautiful notes are lilting through our condo! As I was fixing us dinner last night...she was gracing our lives with the most beautiful music...and I said to Ted..."How cool is this?" We go to sleep at night with this lullaby music in our ears.

We have learned so much about the world of top level violin competition...not the least of which is that our condo must be at 78 degrees for the violin to be "most happy" and Yoonshin's fingers to dance across the strings. So Miss Hot Flash has had to find ways to stay cool! Yoonshin is relentless...she eats, sleeps and plays the violin, stopping only briefly to talk with us at meals. It's quite incredible to understand that she has been living this life since she was 3 or 4 years old.

So be sure to go to www.violin.org where you can watch Yoonshin's performance by clicking on "Hear 2010 Archived Performances" and where they will announce the six finalists Monday night at 11 pm!

Here's to you Yoonshin! Our favorite to win for sure!

Brooke says it best today...

2010-08-28T17:18:00.000-04:00

I just got home from the hospital, where my 99-year-old mom was admitted in the middle of the night Wed night. For those of you who know me, that means WE'VE been in the hospital since then. Thank the Lord my bro was home this time as he has faithfully done "his shift" each morning, permitting me to get some extra sleep and yes, then there's that full time job at IU that needs my attention. So I was looking for a moment of "feel great" time and knew just where to go...my daughter-in-law's blog at www.thethreeolives.com.

Brooke really says it best in her blog today called "Wishing it away"....difficult times for others makes you realize how quick and fleeting the most joyous of times really are...especially the great times spent with our spouses, kids and grandkids, but also our family and friends as well.

We've had a slew of bad news in the past week just like Brooke and Brian...my mom's illness, a girlfriend who just learned her father has lung cancer, another girlfriend who is struggling hard to juggle moving her mom into assisted living while caring for a granddaughter and her husband's loss of job in the same week, another friend who lost her favorite student really young, the death and funeral of someone we went to church with for years....and that's just been since Wednesday! Makes a person not want to answer the phone or read their email!

Anyhoo, if you want to really feel great...go read and gaze at the wonderful pictures on Brooke's blog...she says it best!

Another Milestone

2010-08-13T00:59:00.002-04:00

Yesterday was a full day for me at Simon Cancer Center, but one filled with great news:

Mammogram was normal
Blood work sees nearly all parameters now normalized--white count still a bit low
I've lost 7 of the 15 lbs I gained last year due to treatment
My dear surgeon says I don't ever need to see him again...I'll miss him, but what great news
My Zometa treatment went well with only one needle stick this time, so I actually left without a bruised up arm

It's funny that I looked back at my goal list and thought I was near normal energy last August...how silly of me! I think I had just forgotten what feeling good really felt like. I've had a significant upsurge in energy the last six weeks or so, so I'm beginning to see my old self on the horizon and believe that I may once again get back to her!

What I Did on My Summer Vacation!

2010-08-13T00:27:00.003-04:00

Hey there everybody--are you still out there? I feel as though I don't deserve any blog followers anymore as I've let you down...it's been a long, hot, busy summer and I guess the heat sapped my energy for blog writing. Anyhoo, I'm back and anxious to catch you all up on what's been happenin'!

So for starters, no the kitchen's not done yet...can you believe it? We still have trim that's not up, but otherwise we're really enjoying our new cookin' digs...so will post when all is finally done there.

We've had a really blessed summer, although with a very rocky start. I feel like I lost May/June completely as my mother was hospitalized again exactly a month from the first time...this time they did a procedure that has her back in business, though she was shaky at first, returning to the ER a week after her second admission. So needless to say, from May 14th until June 25th or so, I was all caretaker!

The real summer fun started with all our kids and their ladies coming to Indy for Ted's 60th BD and Evan's wedding. It was a glorious weekend filled with partying and great fun. Every weekend in July was packed...Home Group at our house, then our first Camp Mimi with Parker and Finley with us for 4 days, then to northern Indiana for a 60th BD party for Joey intertwined with my college roomie weekend, then back to Stiver's to co-host a shower for their daughter Katie and her hubby to be-Thaddeus, then a drive to a park outside Chicago for my great niece's wedding. The final weekend in July found us hosting both my sisters and their hubbies with concurrent visits from 3 of their kids at some point throughout the weekend. Such fun!

This month finds us just as busy with Game Night and Ted's family reunion last weekend, a drive to St. Louis for the twin's 3rd BD party this weekend and co-hosting our neighborhood's annual picnic next weekend.

Oh yeah...then there was work. I had 3 grants funded...one to co-direct IU's new practice doctoral program for nurses, one to upgrade my health informatics course with Podcasting, and another to work with our large hospital system here called Clarian to help them enhance their employee wellness efforts. Needless to say, I'm sliding into the start of classes on Aug 23rd just barely ready, but it will all get done.

The biggest news of our summer all has to do with our kids/grandkids...Kyle has moved to Toronto (yep, as in Canada!) to follow his love, Casey who will start her plastics/hand surgery practice on Sept 7th. Joel and Jo are doing great and Joel was just given a top leadership award by Google while Jo is getting her program of research really on its way at UCSF. Brian & Brooke continue to thrive with their 3 under 3 (at least until this weekend) and we thrill at the chance to spend time with them all. Harrison is 7 months old now and doing so well..he continues to be such a perfect baby in every way...such a joy! Teddy keeps busy helping us all in various ways and continues to see his days pass quickly.

So that's what I did on my summer vacation. No days lying in a hammock for me!

Workers, workers, workers

2010-05-24T10:13:00.003-04:00

Man oh man...the condo is buzzin' today! We have a man cleaning and disinfecting all our heating ducts and air returns, an electrician installing all the final lighting in our kitchen and somehow, Pauline is here to try and clean as much as she can in preparation for having the kids come in this weekend.

I realized once again, just how old I am, after cleaning every new cabinet and washing/putting away all our kitchen goods over the weekend.

Ted and I just keep telling ourselves it will be worth it! The kitchen redo should be about finished by this Friday. I promise to post pic's of the new kitchen when it's done. I'd write more, but I've got too much to do today!

Crazy life!

2010-05-17T15:05:00.003-04:00

My friend Geri wrote me today really worried as I haven't posted in so long. She's right in that something is usually up when I fall way behind in my postings! So here's the scoop this time. The end of my semester was crazy busy...a tough semester with some struggling students in both my classes. Turned out the last week of the semester coincided with Joel and Jo's wedding, so we were off to San Fran from April 28th-May 3rd. To say the wedding and entire weekend were just incredible is an understatement, but suffice it to say that the entire experience was amazing and wonderful! I promise to post some pic's when we receive them.

I returned home to a boatload of papers to grade amidst all the end of semester stuff that faculty need to do. Teddy, on the other hand, also had his plate full as a crew arrived to completely gut our kitchen the second day back from the wedding. So while he handled unloading our entire kitchen contents into our living/dining room and covering all with plastic, I finished up my teaching.

The next few days were consumed with meetings at work, a grad party for a neighbor, our home group night, Mother's Day, another Zometa infusion for me and my mom's 99th birthday last Thursday. This past Friday, the 14th, my mom became profoundly ill and we rushed her to the hospital. Thankfully, though 'we' are still hospitalized, she has once again found a way to overcome all odds and is on the mend. So 'we' will likely be released back to her assisted living facility tomorrow morning. My niece Becky and sis Marilyn have come to help out!

If the planets align, we'll stay with her a couple more days, my kitchen will be done by the end of the week and I'll be able to move the dishes, food et al from their various places on the floor, couches and tables back into our new kitchen this weekend! Teddy will be in New Orleans all weekend for Evan's bachelor party (I didn't think old guys got to be invited!), so it will just be me and Wrigs hanging out and catching up with life a bit!

Launching a Couple!

2010-03-18T06:50:00.008-04:00

We had a big weekend five days ago. Joel and Jo flew in from San Fran and Jo's sister, Shiao, flew in from NYC and Brooke brought Harrison and Parker in from St. Louis. That's the starter.

We provided our condo to my college roomies, the TFWCers, to host a shower for Jo on Saturday afternoon with 12 attending, then we regrouped and provided our condo for my sis-in-law Barb and Nancy and my good friend Marilyn to host a Meek/Lukens family and friends shower on Sunday with 30 attending.

The TFWC shower was Jo's first "exposure" to my crazy college girlfriends including an induction ceremony for both. As you can see, it was loads of fun and we would all love to hear how Jo and Shiao describe that whole experience to their family and friends (ha!)

Then, Jo (once again) and Shiao (for the first time) got to share great fun and conversation with our family and friends.

The entire weekend, despite all the activity, I kept thinking about my bridal showers and all that has since happened to Ted and me in the 36 years. Joel and Jo have a lot ahead of them...joys, tears, craziness, low times and great times. So it was so good to help launch this wonderful couple!

Being reminded of my blessings

2010-03-08T19:11:00.002-05:00

As soon as we got back from Cabo and I made it back into work the next day, I was reminded of my blessings. I was stopped by a faculty colleague who has just completed her chemo. She stopped me to ask what to expect from her radiation treatments, starting this week actually.

We stood there for a few minutes, with me asking her questions and then relaying as many tips as I could to help her prepare for radiation and all that comes with it.

She especially appreciated me saying that she needs to just prepare herself for the fact that when treatment is officially 'over', it's not at all over. And how she will still be feeling the effects for 12-18 months post treatment. The look on her face was like mine now nearly a year ago...I heard that, but I didn't really believe it. I was so anxious to get my life back to normal, that I was in a kind of denial about the after-treatment stuff. So it hit me hard when I didn't bounce right back to normal following treatment.

It's good that I can help this colleague and also another colleague, both 6-9 months behind me with their cancer journeys. Hopefully they'll be helped by my experience and will be more realistic about how long it takes to recover.

Fun in the Sun!

2010-02-20T18:20:00.002-05:00

Man oh man, what a difference a year makes! Like this weekend, we took off a year ago to be with dear friends, sharing their condo timeshare in Cabo, New Mexico! Like this weekend, we absolutely pampered ourselves silly, laughed loudly all day long, ate great food, swam in the pool, soaked in the hot tubs and permitted ourselves a refreshing mojito even in the afternoon!

Unlike last year, I have HAIR, I don't have to completely stay out of the sun due to the chemo and I can actually awaken early to help secure our 'spot' on the beach!

It will be a sweet, sweet time this year!

Social Networking and All That Jazz

2010-02-11T18:50:00.002-05:00

Social networking sounds fun to me...I just don't have the time to do it! I see Ted laughing and truly enjoying his 'facebooking' during the day. I've even had to remind him to put down the laptop lid while we're eating dinner (perhaps he's due for an intervention?)!

So I had tacitly decided that social networking was not gonna happen for me.

But then, there's our son Joel. So when he sent us the Google launch info regarding "Buzz", Google's entree into facebook-land, I had to be supportive right?

So I entered the world of 'buzzin' today. It's so cool because Buzz is right inside your Gmail, so you don't have to go to a separate URL to see what's happenin' out there. I must admit that every time a little number appeared in parentheses next to my Buzz logo, I couldn't wait to see what someone had commented. You don't yet have a Gmail account...what's wrong with you?? Let's get with it people! I should talk right?

I'm hooked.

Good Report Today

2010-02-03T20:55:00.002-05:00

It was a big day. Up at 6:45, out at 7:40a for a quick run to Starbuck's for a Venti Awake hot tea to sustain me through the morning, mammy's gramed at 8a, bone density test at 9a, quick check-in with research clinical trial nurse at 10:30a, exam and nice chat with surgeon Dr. Goulet at 11a, check-in with oncology nurse and exam at 11:30a, then labs drawn around noon and a 45-min wait for the OK to proceed, then Zometa from 1-4p.

So the net/net out of all that was I'm FINE! Only thing we found out was that I have osteopenia (the first hint of less bone density). So I can't imagine what my bones must have looked before I had 8 Zometa bone-strengthening treatments! Turns out this participation in a clinical trial thing might just have some side benefits in addition to preventing cancer recurrence in my bones!

Cool beans! Feels good to be getting through my time of highest recurrence risk.

Off to bed now...

Pausing

2010-01-24T19:41:00.003-05:00

The picture says it all. I can't believe that I haven't posted for two weeks. School has been crazy busy. In addition to my teaching load, starting one grant and submitting another have added to my work hours. Ted and I escaped last weekend to FL for a quick visit with my wonderful sis and bro-in-law. We had friends in all this weekend because we gave a baby shower here for a dear friend's daughter-in-law on Saturday. I leave Wed-Sat for a nursing conference with the deans in FL again.

But amidst it all, this picture of our new Harrison reminds me of what truly centers me....our three amazing grandchildren, our sons and beautifully-spirited daughters-in-law, Teddy, our extended families and wide circle of friends and most core to my heart....my Lord above. I'm totally centered on them...they are my life, my reason for being...all the rest is peripheral.

Doing What We Can Do

2010-01-10T09:28:00.003-05:00

Friday night was absolutely freezing outside here in Indy, so Ted and I decided to bunk-in for a big movie night. We watched "Food Incorporated" and I was deeply affected by it. The movie basically chronicles how we've gone from locally-grown food provided by our regional farmers to 3-5 large companies controlling and mass-producing our food and holding farmers hostage to a "my-way-or-the-highway" process.

Notice how many food recalls we've had lately? Watch this movie and you'll absolutely understand why and how this happens. I swear I'll never buy a package of hamburger again, much less trust eating one from a fast food chain.

Not only did the movie reveal huge quality and safety issues with our food, but it also provided a deeply troubling look at the way these companies abuse animals in how they're raised and killed, but also how they knowingly hire and badly-treat employees who are not able or willing to speak up regarding frightening working conditions.

I told Ted that if I was 25-years-old again, I would take this on as my mission in life! So what to do as a 56-year-old who has a full plate and a lot less energy? First of all, order/download this movie! The producer provides an entire list of action items at the end. Second, if you can...buy organic produce, preferably from local farmer's markets. My friend Ginny has done this forever! I admit that it's a new habit I need to start as I live a block from a weekly farmer's market...no excuses for moi'. Also try and buy your meat/poultry locally. Again, I did this religiously when my kids were small as I was scared to death about feeding them meat/chicken with growth hormone, now banned. But I fell out of the habit as I went back to work.

Most importantly and I'll tell you that this is a habit I've had for years...play a game as you're shopping at your local grocery, to NOT go into any aisle (cleaning and laundry supply exceptions allowed). Rather, shop the perimeter of the store...produce, then meat, bread and dairy...then out the door. You'll be healthier for it.

I can't stand the thought that the scenes I saw in this movie happen daily...the abused animals and employees and our precious farmers. I am vowing to do my part to change my consumer behavior. In response to its customers, even Walmart is looking at and changing some of the products it buys. So the most important way we can change the industry...as customers, is to change the way we buy. In what we demand by our buying behaviors, we can make this change happen!

Stay Warm Today!

2010-01-06T08:23:00.003-05:00

Is there anything good about this time of year in Indiana? It's perpetually gray. It's perpetually dark. We hardly see the sun. We slip and slide on the roads and sidewalks. This is a picture of just east of St. Louis on Christmas Day when the roads were so slick that we encountered multiple car accidents every mile and they finally closed the interstate, forcing us to get to Brian & Brooke's on the city streets (thank you Garmin!). Oh, the cold and wind...brrrrr!

So here's my list of what's good about all this cold....

Cuddling with Teddy to stay warm
Eating hot stew, hot soup, hot whatever
Wearing bulky warm sweaters
Wearing my Ugg boots which are so comfy
Having nightly fires in our fireplace
Doing what I call 'hunkering down' at home...I do lots of catching up in the winter because I just want to be outside in the summer

So stay warm everyone and think about your own list of 'what's good' about these cold days!

Self-Reflections on Cancer Treatment

2010-01-05T07:43:00.002-05:00

I wish someone had told me sooner. So that's my motivation to write this post. Most every woman diagnosed with early-stage breast cancer completes surgery and radiation and perhaps chemo, then starts oral medication that is taken, typically for five years. The 'go-to' med is tamoxifen, but I got cancer while taking Evista (a cousin of tamoxifen), so my doctors knew that drug would not provide protection. So I was started on Arimidex. Most women tolerate this drug just fine, with some early morning aching that dissipates as the day goes on and of course, the accompanying hot flashes that come from the estrogen-suppressing effects of these drugs. So it was true with me, though both the aching and hot flashes were fairly severe and constant.

But in November, when my doc asked me how I was feeling, I credit Ted with speaking up. So often he is more keenly aware of how I'm feeling than I am. I have this ability to suppress how I'm feeling so that I can keep going. So the nurse practitioner pressed me a bit more and proactively suggested that we try a different regimen. I went off the Arimidex for one month, to give my body a chance to recover from the effects, then I started a sister-drug called Aromatase, which is chemically just a bit different, but with the same estrogen-suppressing effects. I was also started on a drug called Neurontin (gapapentine is generic name) for the hot flashes.

The results have been pretty dramatic, now that I have about a month of the new treatment effect. I no longer ache all day. The 6-7 hot flashes per hour that I was experiencing, are mostly gone. I'm sleeping most nights all night long vs. waking up every hour due to hot flashes. I'm sure you can imagine the impact this is having on my energy levels. I now have some hope that I might return to my 'old self' one day!

So my take-away message is this. If you are a breast cancer patient reading this message, speak up when you see you doctor. I didn't think there were any alternatives, so had resigned myself to feeling crummy. What a blessing it was that Ted spoke up on my behalf!

New Year's Resolutions

2010-01-02T16:38:00.004-05:00

It's January 2nd and I'm still not at all interested in setting a New Year's resolution. Call me old, call me unmotivated...I prefer to think of myself as more experienced! I've learned that 'life comes at ya fast' and that for the most part, my plans quickly run off course and pale in comparison to my Maker's.

So I'm just gonna take life as it comes....try to feel a bit better as each day comes, try to brighten someone's day, try to be a shoulder to cry on or to be of help to someone in need, try to enjoy every ounce of joy I can squeeze out of each precious day, try to love and be loved more.

That's it!

Grandbaby Harrison is Born!

2009-12-28T11:38:00.002-05:00

Anticipating the birth of a child is right up there in the top 10 list of anxiety-producing experiences for a grandmother! And when you know that the baby is really big or really small, the anticipation accelerates!

I was beside myself this morning anticipating the birth of our third grandchild, Harrison Charles Meek! Our son Brian and daughter-in-law Brooke arrived at the hospital at the top hour of today at 1AM. Anticipating that things would be well moved along, I spent a near-sleepless night at the hotel and finally got in the shower to calm myself down around 6AM. Brian called around 8A...I couldn't grab the phone fast enough. All my overnight worries were for naught as we learned that it had taken awhile to check Brooke in and they had just started some light labor. Brian texted us again around 10AM to say that the contractions were stronger. I couldn't contain myself, so Ted, Kyle and I went to see a movie to try and distract me.

Then the beautiful news came! Around 12:35p, Brian texted us baby Harrison's picture and he had arrived...10 lbs, 9 oz...that's right folks...a veritable walking, talking toddler emerged to greet the world at 22 inches long and healthy as can be! Mom too! Brooke was entertaining our 'first greeting' bunch an hour later and looking amazingly good for having birthed such a boy!

I thought I did a good job containing myself in the darkness of the theater, but Kyle later shared that my sobs were 'audible' and he feared a bigger scene! I know one thing...I have no clue how "Up in the Air" ended, so if someone knows, please clue me in. I was too busy being excited to care!

So welcome Harrison! Let's hope 2010 greets your birth with lots of good news!

P.S. No close-up pic's yet...Mom will say the word when baby Harry can be viewed!

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas!

2009-12-24T09:08:00.002-05:00

My talented nephew, Gavin Mikhail, sent his beautifully recorded song to us this morning! I'm not that talented, but my wish is as warm for all...to savor the peace and joy that is Christmas. My favorite night of the whole year is tonight...the world has slowed way down and families gather in their homes doing all the last minute preparations for Christmas morning. Most are attending services to celebrate the birth of our Lord Jesus. Many families celebrate on Christmas Eve with dinner and gift exchanges.

Believe it or not, this is Ted's and my first Christmas ever to not be at home in Indy! Also, our first Christmas without Joel, who we now appropriately are sharing with the Chien family as they celebrate in California. So we're in a new chapter of life, starting new holiday traditions!

We will take my 98-year-old mother to dinner and Eve services at her church this evening. Our 'sleigh' is packed and ready to take off for St. Louis to pick up Kyle at the airport Christmas morning traveling in from NYC, then off to Brian & Brooke's for brunch and fun, then to spend Christmas evening with Brooke's family. The best part is that we will welcome a new grandson soon (!!) as Brooke is imminent to have Harrison any time now. Parker and Finely will be so fun this year, so we're so excited to get there to be with them all! I promise pictures of the new babe and Parker and Fin in action as soon as we can!

Whatever your traditions, my wish is that you have a blessed Christmas...filled with all you love most!

Awaiting Newborn Babies!

2009-12-18T13:25:00.003-05:00

I am struck by the fact that I literally have the birth of Harrison and the health of Brooke, our new grandson and daughter-in-law, on my mind nearly every moment of the day. But something hit me last night as I was watching a Christmas show on TV.

My how things have changed from the birth of Jesus, to the birth of our three sons and now to the birth of Harrison...and yet, how certain things about it all have stayed the same.

The Knowing: Mary didn't know she was pregnant until an angel appeared to tell her. I had to wait nearly six weeks to know via a test that I had to take into the hospital. Now Brooke knew about eight whole minutes later...that she was pregnant right at home. And yet, I remember the sense of wonder I'm sure we all had at first finding out...a little anxious at what's ahead, very aware of all the plans that now have changed as a result, yet very appreciative of the miracle that is now growing inside us.

The Growing: Can you imagine Mary and Joseph...how they stressed over telling people as Mary became visibly pregnant? One can only imagine the stress on Mary as Jesus grew in her womb. And like the ancient couples of long ago, Ted and I didn't have any idea how our babies were doing in utero except for hearing heartbeats and feeling movement flutters, all of which were so cherished. Now, Brooke and Brian heard Harrison's heartbeat so early...we have a detailed ultrasound picture of him already on our 'frig and now already know he weighs ALOT and his head is big like his MiMi's head. We've been calling him by name for months now and feel as if we know him! And yet, the similarities of cherishing every movement, every indication that your growing baby is okay are all feelings we Moms have had in common since the birth of man on this earth.

The Waiting: Mother Mary had no idea when she was 'due'. So much so, that they took off on a donkey trip unaware that Jesus would be on his way and born in a manger. By the time we had our sons, the doc's could give you a good sense of the due date, but I blew by those dates with all three sons...10 days late with Kyle, 14 days late with Joel, 29 days late with Brian. I'm sure Brooke is as sick as I was at hearing people ask "Haven't you had that baby yet?" And yet, we all have this sense of heightened watchful waiting...the expectancy...and yes, the anxiety of wondering when and how this newest little one will arrive.

The Birthing: Can you imagine delivering in the midst of smelly hay and farm animals, outside, without any nursing or physician help? What must have been going through Mary's mind as she labored and delivered? And Joseph too...how worried he must have been? With our three, birthing was still a 'medical procedure' without any of the frills we see today...it was a big deal to have Ted with me instead of in a waiting room. When Brooke had the twins, we were amazed at the amenities in the room...beautiful decor, laboring and birthing all from the same bed, and the twins early newborn care completed right in the same room with all of our watchful eyes upon the nurses, who skillfully cared for them with Brian's help in bathing and swaddling the babes. The amazing miracle of birth is that it happens in all circumstances across the globe...in luxurious surroundings or humble habitats.

The Celebrating: Can you hold a newborn babe and not feel joy? As the shepherds and then wise men were led by the star, they came to celebrate the birth of our Lord Jesus...amazed at the sight of Him! Ted and I made old-fashioned telephone calls to announce the birth of our sons and many came to view them through the glass of the hospital nursery...no one allowed to touch the babes until we came home some three days later. Now we blog and text and tweet pictures of the babes moments after their birth for the waiting world to see...across the miles...across the globe. We thankfully hold and love these babes right away and adore the touch of their soft and perfect newborn skin.

So many differences across the span of time, yet so much is the same. We are in awe of newborn life and of the potential therein! To you dear Brooke...may you be healthy and strong throughout the waiting, birthing and celebrating! And to you, Baby Harrison...we can't wait to hold you and celebrate your birth! And to you Lord Jesus...thank you for coming to save the world. Happy Birthday!

Appreciating Teachers!

2009-12-16T07:55:00.003-05:00

I finally finished grading papers yesterday and now have all my grades turned in for this semester! I can't tell you how happy I feel to have a bit of a break over the holidays. I have several friends and family members who are teachers and so for years, I've watched and listened to them go through the same end-of-semester, can't-wait-for-a-break saga that I'm now going through. I get them now...completely.

You love your teaching, but it takes a lot of energy to be a great teacher. You get involved with your students. The good students are a breath of fresh air, sailing along with nothing more than an 'attaboy' or 'attagirl' here or there. The middle of the bell curve all need a bit of encouragement, a tip here or there...but with the right mix of 'push' and help, they make it. Then there's always 1 or 2 at the other end of the bell curve. They struggle and you can tell most of these folks have never had the kind of success that encourages them. Most have very low self-esteem or lots of life context complications. So these are the folks that take lots more energy. Most have good hearts and good intentions...they just need lots more help. When they respond...it's oh so satisfying!

So I'm still working...have some meetings to attend rest of week, but then...for the first time since 1986...what is that? 23 years? I'll actually be completely off the few days before Christmas! How delicious is that?

So for all the teachers reading this blog...I really appreciate your years of energy for your students! Have a great Christmas break before you begin all over again!

A Year Ago Today

2009-12-10T08:48:00.003-05:00

A year ago today, like many women, I went in for my annual mammogram. I gowned up and endured the usual 'squishing'. I was then taken into another room for an ultrasound, routine for me given the prior sightings of various dense areas. The technician would pause now and again, going over certain areas more carefully...again, something I was used to. She then said..."I'm going to have Dr. Schmidt take a look at this area...she often does that, no need for concern." So Dr. Schmidt came in and once again, carefully performed her testing while watching the ultrasound screen.

So then Dr. Schmidt asked me to sit up and spoke words I'll never forget. She wanted me to stay that day and have a MRI and then said that she wanted me to have a biopsy right away and that even if the results came back negative, she wouldn't believe it. It took a moment for her words to sink in, but her message was clear...I had cancer. Her wisdom was later confirmed with the MRI later that day, and then a biopsy on the 16th and the path report on the 17th. Then the whirlwind of emotion and activity began for our entire circle of close family and friends over the Christmas holiday with my lumpectomy on the 29th.

I admit that I'm having trouble putting my reflections into words as I sit here a year later. Mostly I feel. I feel thankful for Dr. Schmidt's diligence. Thankful for the many researchers and doctors who make fighting cancer their life's work (including my daughter-in-law-to-be Jo), thus affording me much better treatment strategies than were present a decade ago. Thankful that I had the very best of care from Drs Schmidt, Goulet, Miller and Andrews.

But ever so thankful for the loving care I received from Ted, Kyle, Joel, Brian, Brooke and Jo. Thankful for the thousands of prayers sent up on my behalf. Thankful for the hoards of cards, vacation retreats, meals, emails, calls, visits, gifts, races walked on my behalf, and love received from family and friends, in fact from many of you who still read this blog, that made all the difference in my recovery.

So more to mark this day and help me remember, so that I can help and encourage others, the thing that has surprised me the most is that the journey is still ongoing. I don't have the energy levels I'd like to have as of yet...making progress, but not there yet. In all honesty, I feel good about 2 days a month, which are cherished days indeed. I still need to take Aromatase for 4 1/2 more years each morning, a drug that I'm grateful for, but will be happy to finish. I will continue to go in for IV Zometa treatments every 3 months until May of 2012. In short, I have a ways to go. Many survivors I talk to say that it took them 18 months to 2 years beyond the completion of treatment to truly feel recovered. As much as I hate to think about that, I now understand how much the body needs to do to recover from surgery, chemo and radiation.

On the positive side, the cancer was caught early. I can't implore you enough ladies...despite the craziness of the recent change in screening guidelines...go get your annual exam! I am so blessed to live near a major cancer center...once again, get to the right place for treatment! Most of all, I am blessed with a strong faith and an army of people that care about me. It was indeed the greatest blessing of all, to feel that love so strongly this past year.

For all of the above, I celebrate today!

Refuse the Rush of Christmas!

2009-12-03T15:28:00.003-05:00

I for one am making a vow, right here and now, to refuse to miss the true meaning of Christmas, because I got caught up in the rush of Christmas. We are pressured from all sides...magazines show us the very best ways to decorate, bake and wrap; morning TV is constant in its ideas for best gifts; cyber-shopping ads pop on every screen. Yet, despite every reason to feel rushed myself...I refuse to do so.

I have two more weeks of non-stop papers to grade and student meetings and grants to get submitted and faculty meetings galore. So it won't be until around the 15th before I can really focus on preparations. But when I do, I will revel in each part of our glad tidings. So even though I'll not get voted "Best Whatever" by Martha and her gang, I'll not forget to love the joy, peace and contentment that is the true meaning of celebrating the birth of Christ and celebrating with those I love most!

Happy Thanksgiving!

2009-11-24T08:39:00.003-05:00

In anticipation of an absolutely wonderful upcoming weekend of time with family and friends, I thought I would prompt you to comment on what you're most thankful for this Thanksgiving.

Here's my list:

--My dear husband Ted

--That our kids, daughters-in-law, grandbabies and babe-in-womb are so healthy and are all happy and prospering

--That my life is so full of people to love and who love me back

--That we will gather on Saturday for a wonderful party to honor Joel and Jo's engagement with so many of our friends and family

--That I have some days, though still too rare, where I feel like my old self again, but that I'm improving month by month

--Most importantly, that God loves me!

Can't wait to read your comments! Have a very blessed Thanksgiving!

I Declare Blog War!

2009-11-09T21:35:00.002-05:00

Okay, okay...most of you already knew and I'm sure were aghast as you read AskIndyTed's blog and I quote...

"Who is in control of the thermostat in your abode? If you are a man, you are in control. If not, buy a skirt. No self-respecting man ever relinquishes control of the one thing that women are incapable of understanding."

So did he actually think I would let that go? Of course not. Is he writing such nonsense just to irk me? to get my ire up? If so, it's working as I now declare our first Meek family...

All out BLOG WAR!

So here's my retort...

"Who is in control of everything else except the thermostat and the TV/DVR remotes in your abode? If you are a woman, you are in control. If not, get your girlfriends together for an emergency session to talk some sense into you! No self-respecting woman ever relinquishes control over running the household, the kids, the bills, the social calendar and all other "duties assumed" that men are incapable of understanding or should I say incapable of wanting to understand!"

So there!

Virtual Thanks!

2009-11-04T15:27:00.003-05:00

I continue to just love my IU teaching job. It fits me perfectly...love the connection to students, the need to continually learn and the flexibility to do my work from wherever and whenever (well almost) I want!

I have been a "virtual" worker for so long that I was really jerked back to reality during a recent faculty meeting at the school. Now mind you, this was a room of master's and doctorally prepared acadamicians who are all just amazing people. But as we discussed a renovation to the 'faculty floor' of the building, there very clearly emerged a dichotomous curve. There were those who clearly not only love their offices, but have strong preferences regarding all aspects of the floor design, from how big, where at, how their desk faces, etc, etc. I was struck by their passion as I don't even need nor necessarily want IU to spend monies on an office for moi'.

I was so amazed, yet after reflecting on the discussion, realized that their preferences are no less valid than mine. My preferences are just as strong at the other end of the curve...I need to work where and however I want to...be it the library, grade papers at 1am, on a flight or at a Starbucks (where I do some of my best work juiced by a Venti black unsweetened iced tea if I do say so myself!). I'm currently teaching a class that is TOTALLY online...we never meet, students read about, turn in and I grade all of their assignments online and even my office hours are online using Breeze Adobe technology.

All of this just begs the question around how all of this "virtual-ness" drives some of us? while for others, it's disturbing? And most importantly, how dramatically our work, social and family lives are being affected. I don't know what I would do if I couldn't log onto Brooke's blog for a dose of my grandchildren's latest antics or Skype them on the weekends between our visits. We're in touch it seems multiple times per week with our three sons via GChat, texting, email and cell phone calls. What would we have done if we didn't have these mechanisms to stay connected across the miles between NYC, San Fran and St. Louis? I think it's a really fun subject to think about!

Anyhoo, when turkey time rolls around, I'm sending virtual thanks for my virtual world!

Happy Halloween!

2009-10-31T15:52:00.003-04:00

This picture says it all....Halloween is just made for fun with kids! Parker and Finley loved visiting the pumpkin patch and we had a blast helping them with their first participatory jack-o-lantern carving. Just love the looks on kids faces when they first discover the gook inside the pumpkin.

Hope your Halloween is filled with some child-like fun!

I Think I've Just Received a Huge Gift!

2009-10-29T13:27:00.003-04:00

Oh my gosh...I know it's premature, but I just had to write you all about this. I'm not a whiner by nature. I tend to suck it up and push down how my body feels and just go about my day. My mind always seems to be able to overcome the minor normal aches and pains of life and I find that as my day moves on...I don't even notice or remember how hard it was to get out of bed.

So what has changed for me since entering this whole breast cancer and treatment thing, is that those tactics haven't worked very well lately. I hurt all over ALL day from my feet to my shoulders and everywhere in between and on top of that, I manage to have 3-4 hot flashes per hour, so you run the quality of life calculations. This equates to lowered energy for all I love to do and that is so frustrating to me.

But yesterday, I think we found a solution. I went in for all my normal check-ups with my oncology doc's and they felt it was time to do something more to help me out. So they prescribed a nightly dose of Neurontin..that can be up'd to a 2nd and 3rd dose if needed to control my hot flashes. Needless to say, Ted RAN to the drug store to get this filled last night in the hopes that he might not have to spend the night freezing under the covers as I run a constant fan over my body and make him turn the heat down to freezing temps.

Guess what happened next? I woke up at 7AM feeling bright and bushy-tailed! I felt more rested than I have in a year! Next, I put my poor plantar-fascitiis feet to the floor, to begin my pain-filled hobble to the bathroom. And lo and behold, NO PAIN...absolutely none! It's a God-given miracle! This drug is also prescribed for nerve pain due to shingles, fibromyalgia, etc., but little did I know I would get this affect on my feet! We're both still a bit cautious about this result as I also had my Zometa treatment yesterday and they give me 2 anti-inflammatory drugs to reduce the flu-like side effects but I don't remember getting any relief for my feet in the prior treatments, so I'm hopeful the Neurontin is helping.

It's now 1:30p and I haven't yet had a hot flash today. My feet still don't hurt. I actually have energy! I'm pumped! This would enable me to walk/get exercise again which will help me get this stinkin' weight off. I know we beat up the drug companies for profit-mongering, but I tell ya...thank God for their work...it just changed my life!

Speaking of Goals!

2009-10-19T15:47:00.003-04:00

So if you look to the left, you'll see 7 of the most goal-driven people I know...this is from Joel & Jo's engagement party in San Fran about 10 days ago (left to right Jo's parents David & Chia-Chia, Ted & me, Jo & Joel, Jeff & Shiao who is Jo's sister/bro-in-law). I'm hoping to be inspired by these folks!

If you look to the right under the item called Recovery Goals, you will see that I made huge progress in the first few months post-treatment, but now it's S-L-O-W going! In terms of the last few goals which basically cover losing weight, starting to exercise more regularly, my right arm healing and Teddy feeling like "I'm back", well...I'm just not "back" enough to get those done!

It seems that what I can still manage is to get my teaching work done, to keep up with all the wonderful fun events happening in our lives and to rest enough in between to get to the next week! I know that exercising regularly would help me a ton, but I just don't have the energy to even think about it, other than my weekly weight training, which I've been doing faithfully.

So whether I just need more patience or someone to kick my big behind into gear is somewhat of a toss-up at the moment!

Life's Celebrations!

2009-10-09T14:02:00.002-04:00

It's true what they say...after intense storms come beautiful streams of sunshine. And so it is for the Meek family right now. After an intense winter, we seem to be overflowing with blessings...

--The twins growing and so healthy

--Brooke's pregnancy going well and Harrison looking so healthy in utero

--Joel and Jo getting engaged

--Brian loving his residency

--Kyle doing cool shows and increasing the length of his productions

--Teddy retiring

--Me loving my job

--Many, many, many happy celebrations shared with neighbors, friends and family over the summer

--No shortage of more fun and celebrations this fall

So I just feel so blessed. I'm trying to enjoy and savor every minute of it. I hate those 'life-happens', wise old woman thoughts of knowing that there will be another time of challenge ahead, at some point...but for now, joy!

Thanks again to the folks on 2North

2009-10-06T14:36:00.002-04:00

Ted and I were trying to visit our dear friend Chet yesterday at University Hospital. When it turned out that we didn't happen to find him in bed (which is a good thing), we decided to do something we've wanted to do for a long time...we went back to say Hi to the nursing staff on 2North as we had promised we would back in April. These folks were the crew who cared for me when my white blood cell count dropped so low and I had pneumonia after my final chemo round. So they saw me at probably the low point in terms of my response to treatment. Even though I was only there for 4 days, we really had a great time together. Since I was in reverse isolation, they were my primary source of conversation and fun during the days and nights and we talked about all kinds of stuff.

So you can imagine their joy when I showed up...glowing with health, lots of hair, good energy and back to my life. They shared that it really helps them KNOW that they do good, that they really make a difference in people's lives, that all their schooling and hard work really does pay off.

So once again, I salute all caregivers....nurses, doc's, nursing assistants, and all those who provide the food, do the laundry, clean the floors, order the supplies and manage all of that. Never forget the importance of your healing role in the lives of so many people!

I tried to find Dr. Phyllis Schmidt last Friday, who was the person who diagnosed my cancer, but she was gone for the day...so that's still a to-do on my list!

Teddy's New Chapter Begins Today!

2009-09-30T06:00:00.000-04:00

Today is Ted's last day of work...after 37 years! I wanted to share my thoughts publicly for this wonderful man and his amazing work ethic! So here's to you Teddy!

You got up anyway and went to work…
In the rain,
In the dark,
In the snow and ice,
In pain,
Because you knew that so many were counting on you,
Your customers,
Your employees,
Your Dad and your brothers,
Your brothers’ families,
Your sons, and most of all,
Me.
Probably more than anyone else…I know how hard that was for you!
So on this day, we stand together and applaud your 37 accomplished years of providing for so many,
And we thank you from the bottom of our hearts…
For getting up anyway.

An Angel in the Post Office

2009-09-29T15:28:00.002-04:00

Being the 'dog person' that I am, I just had to post this story.

This is one of the kindest things you may ever see. It is not known who replied, but there is a beautiful soul working in the dead letter office of the US postal service.

Our 14 year old dog, Abbey, died last month. The day after she died, my 4 year old daughter Meredith was crying and talking about how much she missed Abbey.. She asked if we could write a letter to God so that when Abbey got to heaven, God would recognize her. I told her that I thought we could so she dictated these words:

"Dear God,Will you please take care of my dog? She died yesterday and is with you in heaven. I miss her very much. I am happy that you let me have her as my dog even though she got sick.I hope you will play with her. She likes to play with balls and to swim. I am sending a picture of her so when you see her You will know that she is my dog. I really miss her. Love, Meredith"

We put the letter in an envelope with a picture of Abbey and Meredith and addressed it to God/Heaven. We put our return address on it. Then Meredith pasted several stamps on the front of the envelope because she said it would take lots of stamps to get the letter all the way to heaven. That afternoon she dropped it into the letter box at the post office. A few days later, she asked if God had gotten the letter yet. I told her that I thought He had.

Yesterday, there was a package wrapped in gold paper on our front porch addressed, ' To Meredith ' in an unfamiliar hand. Meredith opened it. Inside was a book by Mr. Rogers called, ' When a Pet Dies.. ' Taped to the inside front cover was the letter we had written to God in its opened envelope. On the opposite page was the picture of Abbey &Meredith and this note:

"Dear Meredith: Abbey arrived safely in heaven. Having the picture was a big help. I recognized Abbey right away. Abbey isn't sick anymore. Her spirit is here with me just like it stays in your heart. Abbey loved being your dog. Since we don't need our bodies in heaven, I don't have any pockets to keep your picture in, so I am sending it back to you in this little book for you to keep and have something to remember Abbey by. Thank you for the beautiful letter and thank your mother for helping you write it and sending it to me. What a wonderful mother you have. I picked her especially for you. I send my blessings every day and remember that I love you very much. By the way, I'm easy to find. I am wherever there is love.
Love,God"

Need your prayers!

2009-09-25T11:56:00.003-04:00

Hello to all--I know that I have a whole community of 'pray-er's' out there that check into my blog every few days. My heart is filled with the need to pray for some folks over the next few days, so I thought I would share, so that if you feel led to do so, you can pray for them too!

--Pray for our dear friends Joey & Kurt all weekend as we all celebrate the wedding of their son Kevin to his bride Corey. Lots of logistics need to fall into place between now and Sunday night, so pray that all goes well and we can truly celebrate this joyous occasion.

--Pray for Chet, that his surgery goes really well on Monday morning and also for Coleen, his wife, that she is filled with peace and will be comforted as she waits for his surgery to be completed.

--Pray for my friend Joyce and her sis Janis and bro-in-law Greg...as they share joy in Greg's last earthly times.

--Pray for our neighbors Melodie and Terry...as they both transition and move into their separate homes...that their healing continues and both receive the help and love they need at this tough time for them both.

--Pray for my dear college roomie Munch, that her finger graft 'takes' and she can endure the boredom of waiting for her hand to heal from her lawn mower accident.

--Pray for our new grandson in utero and for Brooke, our daughter-in-law, that they both continue to be healthy and strong.

--Pray for our son Joel and his bride-to-be Jo, that they can enjoy all the wedding planning amidst very hectic and demanding work lives.

--And last, but certainly at the top of my list, pray for Ted as he had his last 3 days this coming week...his official last day at Modern Photo is this coming Wednesday...that this next chapter of his life will be filled with joy and be as fulfilling and wonderful for him as the last 37 years at MoPho have been!

Thanks you all...hard to believe that all of the above is taking place right now and over the next few days! Life is full isn't it?

What I Live With!

2009-09-20T12:26:00.004-04:00

It was our first Sunday morning in months to kick back, goof off, do whatever and so I sleepily climbed out of bed, put on my comf-iest of clothes and slogged my way downstairs. Ted had been up for awhile. He looked at me and started laughing...with that awful Dreyer chuckle sort of laugh that means he's about to make fun of me...and I wasn't disappointed. He said...'you look exactly like Conway Twitty'! Therein followed an online look-up and I hate to admit it...but it's a dead match on the hair! I need a haircut FAST! What I live with...

A Needed Reminder

2009-09-17T18:44:00.002-04:00

Of course, leave it up to my God to put me in exactly the right place at the right time. My mind has been racing ahead of my body lately. I have no problem with motivation...my desire to do lots of things is there, but my body is lagging behind. I find that if I push in the way that I was so used to doing...I pay the price!

So it was a perfect thing that my friend Kathy Carrier did this week when she invited me and 2 other ladies to lunch. There we sat, outside at Le Meridian, on the most gorgeous of days, getting to know each other.

I quickly knew that Tiffany was a "Julie Meek" in the work ethic sense. She was an exec with Roche Diagnostics, traveling internationally for them, and like me, she had a job that was 24/7. She willingly shared that she is a breast cancer survivor...for 2 years now...YEAH! She is radiant! So I asked her...'how long did it take before you really felt like yourself again?"

She said "a year and a half". I was stunned! Here I am, 3 1/2 months post treatment expecting to feel totally back to normal and this amazing woman, who had surgery, chemo and radiation like me and who is equally as anxious as I am to get life back to normal...said a year and a half!

WOW--what a perfect person for God to put before me! What a gift Tiffany is to me. I guess I need to be more patient! Thank you Kathy...for always caring for me in such unique and wonderful ways amidst your busy life!

Busy-Busy!

2009-09-10T13:01:00.001-04:00

It's hard to believe that I haven't posted since August 28th! For my devoted blog friends, that's just not acceptable! The reason is that we've been busy-busy! In the 12 days since I last posted, we have:

Enjoyed a wonderful visit from my sis Marilyn and bro-in-law Guy including a great outdoor brunch at my bro Larry's and sis-in-law Barb's
Gotten involved in a large grant writing process at IU and graded 3 weeks worth of student postings plus handled a large number of student questions/concerns
Enjoyed an Indian's ballgame with our good friends Nick, Roni and Lori
Gotten all the plans off the ground for a meet/greet party for our son Joel and his soon-to-be wife Jo here in Indy Thanksgiving weekend
Gone to see Mo twice
Visited with all our kids multiple times by phone
Accomplished a few hours of consulting
Deep cleaned a closet or two
Strength trained twice
Started our kitchen upgrade searching for appliances, counter tops, etc.
Enjoyed our annual fantasy football draft and after-party at brother Larry's
Enjoyed a great visit with our dear friend Steve while he was in town for a conference
Started planning a retirement party for a beloved colleague and friend
etc., etc....you get the picture!

So not an excuse, but instead a celebration of getting back to life after treatment! If ever a family was doing that with blazing speed, it's us!

I also want to share that it seems that every book I've read on breast cancer involves a post-treatment scare or two. Well--I've had mine. For about a month, I've had some spot-tenderness under my operative arm right on my chest wall. And of course, you know how it goes...you talk yourself "in" and "out" of calling the doctor about ten times before you call. Anyhoo, I finally called and got in quickly to see my surgeon yesterday. Thankfully, it's just some scarring around a rib cage nerve (intercostal neuroma for you medical people out there) that hopefully will settle down as I heal a bit more.

So all is well here and life is at full pace for all the Meek's! And for my friend Cathy---sorry, I'm tired of being a Volkswagon...I'm a racy red Ferrari once more!

Heaps and Heaps of Support!

2009-08-28T11:50:00.005-04:00

I have had a heavy heart this week. Several people that I dearly love are facing really tough situations...the recurrence of cancer and all that comes with the 'what-do-I-do-now?' phase, another with an early pregnancy scare, and yet another sharing the last days of a loved family member. But I'm reminded, as in my own journey, to take all these situations to my God in prayer! Indeed, He already knows the outcome of all these situations and He will work for good in each and every one of the hearts of those involved in each of these trials.

So it seemed fitting that today was the day to take the 'healing basket' (contents pictured) off our kitchen counter and into a keepsake box that I will treasure forever. This basket housed all the letters, notes and cards that you all sent over the last 8+ months of my cancer journey. Likewise, I have an "Ahhh, Love is Nice" Gmail folder that holds 448 of your emails sent to me with words of love and encouragement.

I have a diary where I carefully noted each day, the many calls, meals, and gifts that came in that day.

In addition, I just checked my Google analytics for Julie's Pink Link and since December 18th, you all have made 9,518 visits to this blog, leaving your good thoughts and comments along every step of the journey our family has traveled since my diagnosis. Indeed, 44 of our 50 U.S. states are represented and somehow also 39 other countries in the world have checked in at one time or another! Little did I know how far reaching the blog would be.

It seems the right day to once again be reminded of these treasures of the last few months. We human beings need to be reminded constantly of God's provision for us and how truly healing it is to others when we take time to reach out to them with a note, an email, a phone call, a prayer or all the other ways we can send the message..."I care about you"! Your love for me and my family was truly remarkable and truly made all the difference in my healing journey! Thank you so much!

My prayer today is that in each of the situations my friends are now facing plus those situations among all of you unknown to me, that your 'healing basket' would overflow!

The Recovering Power of Love!

2009-08-24T13:44:00.006-04:00

All the research is very clear on this point--those people who have deep connections to family and friends in their lives live longer and do better under any kind of physical assault to their health. Whether studying recovery from serious injuries, surgeries of all types, heart attacks...you name it, every study I've read differentiates outcomes based on these connections.

So it's not surprising that I'm doing so well. Simply the 1,000 hits per month to this blog are a testament to all of you who continue to support my recovery process!

I did get a hyper-bolus of love this weekend though...from Parker and Finley as they celebrated their 2nd birthday. I will never forget both of them running to me with arms outstretched for a hug as we arrived on Saturday morning. And the pure joy in their faces as they each took their turns riding the pony who had arrived to delight all the little kiddo's at the party. Grandchildren are simply the best recovery drug ever!

Big Goal Accomplished!

2009-08-17T19:36:00.003-04:00

Yesterday was another big day. Ted and I biked to the State Fair, walked all over and biked back, with a group of neighbors yesterday. Yes, it was 90+ degrees outside too! We all got our desired 'fair food' items, viewed the horses, sheep and pigs, the 4-H winners and walked everywhere in vain trying to find the 'giant zucchini'!

And yes, being the kids we are, we rode the Ferris Wheel and had a blast with the bumper cars!

Another recovery goal accomplished!

Happy Birthday to our Twins!

2009-08-15T11:56:00.011-04:00

Today is a great day! Our twins, Parker & Finley turn 2 today! Here are pic's of them playing in the new play tent we sent them. It was so fun this morning to talk to them this morning, if only by phone to wish them a happy day and to get "Pops-Pops-Pops" from Parker and "Hi-Ya" from Fin. It's hard to believe that they're two as I remember their births like it was yesterday. My oh my, how life has changed in two years for Brian & Brooke.

Finishing med school and feeding twins every 2-3 hours!
Moving to St. Louis, buying a house and doing all that with 2-9 mo olds
The endless house projects and starting Bri's interim year and child proofing the house as Parker and Fin were mobile early
Finishing his interim year and starting his anesthesia residency and preparing for baby #3 to arrive!

Brian & Brooke prove that the "life events scale" is bogus as they have sailed through it all with complete grace and style! So even though it's Parker & Fin's big day, I think I'll hug Brian and Brooke lots today for the beautiful job they've done as partners and as parents! They show up in a few hours from STLouis for a family wedding, so the official BD party is next weekend so that MiMi and Pops can attend!

What Summer is All About!

2009-08-14T09:52:00.003-04:00

Last night was so great. Ted and I walked out to our condo's courtyard last night about 7pm with our dog Wrigley and our grand-dog Indy. Before too long, Allie brought her dog Riley out to play. Then out came Tom and Roxanne, Mark & Teresa, Matt & Cindy, Ann, then our new neighbors Karen & Kirk. Mark & Teresa had just received their credit-card points gift which was a margherita machine. So we all convinced them that we needed to try it out...so needless to say...a lovely summer evening party just happened! The doggies romped and romped, refreshed by handouts of leftover ice to cool them down.

This is what I envy about the European lifestyle. People live close together and when evening comes, they congregate in the piazza to laugh, to eat well, to drink wine, but most importantly, to enjoy those evening summer breezes and cooler temps together! So get outside and enjoy what's left of this great summer!

P.S. I think we'll give the doggies their baths outside tonight and let them play in the sprinkler!

Home Group

2009-08-10T11:44:00.002-04:00

Ted and I are so blessed. In 1986, we were deeply involved in starting a non-denominational church in Center Grove, the suburb where we raised our 3 sons. At the center of the church founders' hearts was the desire to create smaller Home Groups within the church body for the purpose of providing those involved a deeper connection to a community of believers who could pray, love and care for each other as life brought it's inevitable joys and trials.

So Ted and I have been with our Home Group for well over 15 years now. We remain together despite the fact that several of us have moved away and now attend other churches. Pictured here are some of my Home Group lady friends at a July gathering at our condo in 2004 (And yes, you're welcome Coleen, Julie, Marilyn, Fran and Midge for posting 'younger' pictures!). We gathered this past Friday evening at the Casper's, as we do each month for a time of prayer, devotions and lots of fun conversation. Coleen led our devotion which she said was "for her", but it was indeed for us all. All our Bible readings and discussion surrounded the topic of 'being thankful in the desert'. You know, those many times in life, when we are really struggling with something that deeply pains us or makes us so fearful that we think we can't make it through another day! Across these ten couples, just about everything has happened to at least one of us that could happen in life. And indeed, several of our Home Group couples are in tough situations right now. It is so wonderful that we have these times together where we can pray collectively and remember that God is so faithful to bring goodness out of tough times if we only 'cry out to Him' for guidance and strength. We know that He has brought us all through these times before and He will love us and teach us important character-building lessons through our current trials once again.

This group of friends is so precious to Ted and me. How amazing it is, to live life with people who have been such long-time Christian friends. We have shared so much with this group of people...bonded together by our collective faith and love for God and for each other!

Another Mini-Graduation!

2009-08-06T10:36:00.002-04:00

It sounds silly I know, but it was so great yesterday to finish my 6th Zometa IV infusion which signals my 'graduation' to the every 3 month routine. What does that mean? It means that I will now receive Zometa every 3 months for an additional 30 months which means I finally finish in May 2012, just about 3 months after Indy hosts the Super Bowl.

If you remember, I'm in this national clinical trial whose purpose is to see if giving women with agressive breast cancer an osteoporosis-preventing drug will lower the rate at which the cancer could metastisize to bone. The idea is that if these drugs make your bones stronger and more dense, they will be less hospitable places for cancer cells to multiply. The additional benefit of course, is a lowered chance for osteoporosis which causes spine changes and greater risk for hip and other fractures as we ladies grow older, so I like that too!

So I now have no doctor appointments until late October (to see my surgeon for routine check) and early November for the next Zometa treatment...YEAH! Maybe all the IV stick bruises on my right arm will finally have the chance to really heal!

The Best News!

2009-08-03T19:08:00.011-04:00

We awoke Sunday morning to the phone ringing...we had eagerly anticipated this call and it was just as expected...our #2 son, Joel and his love, Jo called from Bali to say that they are engaged!

Jo is such a perfect fit for our son Joel, as he is for her, but she is also a perfect fit with our family. They met in January 2008 and we had our first chance to meet her when Ted, Kyle and I went to San Fran in April of 2008. Then, Joel brought her to Indy for the 500. It was her first visit to the Midwest and needless to say, she was drinking from a fire hose that weekend on all our race weekend traditions, but handled the immersion into our Hoosier ways quite well.

We will never forget meeting her family for Thanksgiving in New York City.

They were all so gracious and kind to mix their wonderful traditions with ours that day. Jo's parents, Chia-Chia and David were both born in Taiwan, but didn't meet until they were both grad students at Berkeley. They subsequently married and raised Jo and her sister Shiao in San Francisco. This picture is of Jo, Chia-Chia and me at Thanksgiving last year.
Chia-Chia made the best poached fish I have ever eaten along with homemade wontons and vegie's that were perfectly cooked. We can't wait to visit Jo's parents again in October. David has been an incredible scientist and prolific patent-producer at Novartis, while Chia-Chia has earned national honors for her social work efforts in San Francisco, so needless to say, Jo comes by her intelligence and sweetness honestly from her amazing parents.

Jo was subsequently swept into crisis mode with us as we all gathered for Christmas and learned of my cancer diagnosis. Being a Harvard-trained physician followed by a 3 year Fellow in breast oncology at UCSF, she managed the delicate balance of providing us all with expert guidance while still maintaining her role as family supporter with tremendous grace! Needless to say, there was a lot of family bonding with her during this time...she helped us all so much.

So for knowing her such a short time, we all agree...she's a perfect fit for the Meek family. No specific wedding plans yet since Jo is starting her academic physician role at UCSF on September 1st, but likely the wedding will be late spring or early summer of 2010.

We welcome the Chien family into our own with tremendous joy and thanksgiving!

Vacation Rush Meets Post-Treatment Recovery!

2009-07-31T15:35:00.003-04:00

Ted and I arrived home from our vacation Monday night. I promptly collapsed on Tuesday afternoon. We just could not figure it out. I had a low-grade fever, but mostly I just could not stay up for more than a few hours without wanting to take another nap! I slept and slept and slept. Finally, Ted made me make an appointment with my doctor for today as I just was not making any progress. But thankfully, I woke up this morning feeling good again! Thank heavens--just had a bad case of 'too much vacation'!

I'm reminded once again that my brain moves at lightening speed and my body is still saying 'hold on a minute--I've just been through a rough time'! It slaps me back into reality now and then.

Also--for those of you who have requested, I've added a new section to the right that details each of the topics I'm learning on my 12-week exercise and nutrition journey. Obviously, I canceled this week's appointment due to my state of post-vaca fatigue, but I've posted the ones I've received so far and will do a new post each Tuesday starting next week. I highly recommend Exercise, Inc., which has 2 locations in Indy, as the source for the 12 habit recommendations, as well as for their strength training program. I'll let you know when I'm ready to take you all on in an arm-wrestling contest!

What I Did on My Summer Vacation!

2009-07-28T13:16:00.004-04:00

I'm reminded by all the back-to-school ads, that typically the first English assignment upon the return to school, was to write an essay about what had transpired over the summer. Well, Ted and I just returned last night from a wonderful two weeks of fun, so here's my essay (maybe students just blog or tweet vs. essay now?). First, I went with my college roomies on our annual retreat (no husbands permitted). We always go to Munch's house and after a trip to the store, typically don our swimsuits and never venture out again until we all must face reality and drive home! Here is a picture of those of us who could make it this year...it truly is a treasure to have friends who have known you through every phase of life and love you anyway!

On the way back, it turned out that Kyle was filming at Notre Dame, so I picked him up and we had a surprise great night with Kyle and his friends at our place amidst unpacking, laundry and repacking to leave again!

We dropped Kyle at the airport on Monday and headed for Gettysburg for quite a memorable tour. If you haven't been, you must go as the National Park Service has built a new Visitor Center where you see an introductory film, then get a guided tour of the entire three day battle, then return to a wonderfully well done museum. We dined at the famous Farnsworth House, which at one time, housed Confederate soldiers. Being the Yankees we are, we enjoyed never-before-tasted spoon pudding and the Southern version of duck/chicken/pheasant pot pie.

Next, we headed for Baltimore Wed-Fri morning, where I gave a speech at a nursing informatics conference. Ted had not seen Baltimore, so we did the typical harbor and crabcakes thing.

We left Friday and did a quick drive-by visit with some favorite colleagues of mine, who kindly met us near I-95 for a delightful lunch. We learned what "going to the shore" means in terms of Friday afternoon traffic near Philly and then rush hour in Brooklyn, but we landed safely at Kyle's place, just in time to have a great dinner at the much-acclaimed restaurant called "The Grocery". Small, local foodies and a quaint outdoor patio with a perfect summer night and of course KYLE, made it a memorable meal. Saturday, we took in brunch, West Side Story on Broadway and a wonderful meal again! You know that 5 pounds I lost...gotta lose it again!

But the capper was Sunday morning, when Kyle used his contacts to get us on the set of CBS Sunday Morning...our very favorite show! ALL the staff were so gracious...even the host for the day, Jeff Glor, who couldn't have been nicer to us! We were literally the only non-staffers on the set, then up in the control room...so it was quite an experience. We topped off the day with a walk across the Brooklyn Bridge and great Italian dining in Brooklyn...you can't beat that!

So now home catching up with all that naturally continues even when we're away. It was a summer vacation to remember indeed!

Healthy as a Horse!

2009-07-15T22:56:00.002-04:00

Well, I had my first mammogram today and all is well! I had a couple of 'suspicious spots' but one was the normal pocket of fluid that forms when you take a tumor out of a body...the body has a way of filling that spot with something. The other was just knarly fat lobules which happen because the radiation causes all kinds of changes in your breast tissue.

So the news was great today!

I was amazed at my experience, as I shared some conversation with 2 women in the waiting room. One had been post-treatment for a little over a year and the other for six years. What amazed me was that they were BOTH equally nervous. I guess that's part of the 'new normal' they talk about. As for me, I wasn't really worried. I guess because I've chosen not to be worried because it really doesn't do any good. If you worry and the cancer never comes back, then you've wasted all that time. If you worry and the cancer does come back, it still doesn't change the outcome--you just deal with it at that point. So what's the point of worrying?

I know I'm weird in that way, but I'd rather laugh it up and be carefree then spend my days worrying!

First Check-up

2009-07-14T09:41:00.002-04:00

Wow, so sorry for the long pauses in between postings. It's nothing other than life back at its full pace for me. I've been teaching, grading papers, helping students and having really jam packed weekends of fun! This past weekend was filled with dinner with my co-teaching professor and her husband, then Game Night with neighbors, then throwing a bridal shower for Emmalee Frey here at our house on Sunday. So the celebration is that I feel good enough to do all of that again!

I have my first official check-up tomorrow, so pray that all goes well with my first mammogram post-treatment. I'll do a quick post to let you all know how it goes!

Great News for Keeping Body Parts!

2009-07-02T15:20:00.003-04:00

Yesterday was a great day...Teddy's BD (thanks to all of you who touched him with greetings yesterday!), my 5th Zometa treatment went off with only 2 sticks this time vs. 4 the prior times and we got the results of my genetic testing for BRCA-1 & 2. The test was NEGATIVE...YEAH for keeping my body parts intact for now!

For those of you scratching your heads at this news, here's a short primer. Only about 5-8% of women with breast cancer test positive for these gene mutations, but when they do...it usually means the woman needs to seriously consider a double mastectomy and potentially even having their ovaries removed. In addition, their male/female sib's need to be tested next and based on those individual results, potentially have to make tough decisions for themselves, plus have their progeny tested. So a positive result gets to be a family thing pretty fast and with the size of my Lukens family, that could have had major implications for lots of people.

So we are in the next 10-15% category, which is the 'familial predisposition to cancer' category. What that means is that our family tree has sufficient amounts of cancer in prior and current generations (3 of the 6 of us sib's had/have cancer), that we all just need to be extra diligent about our screening exams. This means starting those screenings earlier and having them a bit more often, so I've notified all my family members about these guidelines.

So for now, the need for additional protective surgical procedures has been cancelled and we can all get on with getting back to some sense of normalcy with our collective lives and 'parts' intact!

A Special Day

2009-07-01T12:02:00.002-04:00

Today is Ted's birthday...a very special day in my life! He's literally spending his whole day with me today, first with my Zometa treatment (I'm writing while being 'infused') and then we go to receive the results of genetic testing. What a way to spend your birthday!

Happy Birthday to my soul mate, my best friend and my love forever!

Life Must be Getting Back to Normal

2009-06-25T21:53:00.002-04:00

I can't believe it's been ten days since my last post. But I guess it's good in a way, because the reason I haven't posted is that I've been running by b__ off! Teaching has been really busy the last ten days and we had the pleasure of co-hosting a bridal shower for our dear friend's son and daughter-in-law to be up north of South Bend all last weekend.

We estimate that among about 8 of us setting up for this shower, that we hauled about 2,000 pounds of stuff out to a marvelous tent rented for the occasion, cooked all the food, decorated lavishly, hosted the shower for about 45-50 people, then hauled all the stuff back inside in about a 14 hour period. Ted was amazed that I did it and I guess, so was I! It was so gratifying to lie in bed last Saturday night and realize that for the first time...in a long time...I could actually do something that I used to do all the time! So it feels like a great sign of recovery.

No other big news from our neck of the woods. This week has been all about preparing for class, grading assignments, talking with students, doing about ten hours of consulting work and most importantly, enjoying the evenings in our courtyard when it finally cools down at night!

We're off to St. Louis tomorrow morning to see Brian, Brooke and our twins, so we couldn't be more excited! I promise to post some good pictures of Fin and Parker next week when we return!

Wicked Good!

2009-06-15T10:40:00.002-04:00

Have you ever been entertained so wonderfully that you literally jumped up to give your "standing O" at the last note? That is exactly what happened to us last Friday night as we finished seeing the play Wicked for the fourth time with our dear friends, the Frey's. The entire crowd leaped to their feet at the end with roars and thunderous applause. This is a play that is so clever, so well staged, so well costumed...it's well...a must see!

We heard there's the possibility that they will extend the Indy tour for two weeks, so if you haven't yet seen this play...get on it! The published last day as of now is June 21st.

The importance of nurse researchers!

2009-06-12T13:11:00.005-04:00

I had an interesting Thursday evening. The Dean of IU's School of Nursing invited all graduate faculty and doctoral students to dinner at her lovely condo clubhouse in Broad Ripple. While there, I had the chance to meet fellow faculty members that I don't know well yet. Several of them sought me out as they could tell from the newly-emerging hair growth, that I'm in early recovery from cancer treatment. All in all, I met three nurse researchers who are investigating helpful interventions for three of the most long-lasting of post-treatment effects...hot flashes, so called "chemo-brain" (named for the cognitive process lapses that occur) and fatigue.

This is such important work and I feel so fortunate that I'm in a place where I can come to know and support these smart people! I'm signed up for the hot flashes study and hopefully, won't qualify for the other two! The lady pictured is Dr. Janet Carpenter who is principal investigator for the hot flash intervention study.

I started a new 'recovery log' of my goals on the right panel, so watch to celebrate with me as each goal is met!

Dem Supposes

2009-06-10T10:14:00.003-04:00

I've had a busy week, so was catching up on my daily devotions this morning and just have to share a phrase that I love! The story is about a beautiful African American woman who had such a sweet, calm spirit in the midst of a lot of potential circumstances that could have left her in a precarious position in terms of health & finances. Her friend Nancy was listing all the possible hazards, when the woman said "Stop! I never supposes....it's all 'dem supposes' as is makin' you so mis'able. You'd better give dem all up and just trust de Lord."

I also just read a devotion written by my dear friend Mike Akers that was surprisingly on the exact same topic (Ya think God is tellin' me something today?). I love this quote too.

"When I look back on all these worries, I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened." -- Winston Churchill

I'm such a forward-thinker and planner and organizer, that my head is always full of 'dem supposes'. I so admire people who have the wonderful ability to stay in the 'now'. So this is going to be a remembered phrase for me...give up 'dem supposes'!

Always Learning!

2009-06-04T11:01:00.003-04:00

One of the things that has amazed me about my cancer journey is that each phase represents a whole new boat-load of stuff to know. There's the medical stuff, but then there's also the invaluable every-day, how-to-get-through-it tips that are really important to know.

I went in for my post-radiation appointment with my oncologist yesterday, followed by my 4th Zometa treatment. I was seen instead by a lovely, proficient nurse practitioner, who did a very nice job of talking with me, examining me, and preparing me for the start of Arimidex, which I started this morning. I was only disappointed not seeing Dr. Miller because you form a bond with someone at the time of diagnosis and it would have been nice to have celebrated the end of phases 1,2 and 3 with her yesterday. But I also understand that her focus needs to be on the brand new lot of folks facing all the decisions of the early-diagnosis phase, so her time is needed even more there. I get that.

So here's what I learned this week...

My dear friend, Brenda Rittenhouse called to check up on me and asked if I knew about the 'popcorn icebag' trick. I've never heard of this and man oh man, is it a good idea. You get ziplock snack bags and fill them with a layer of popcorn and stick them in the freezer. These bags are so 'moldable' to any part of your body and are small enough to stick in and be held by your clothing, so you can ice down without holding still. Each bag lasts about 15 minutes which is the recommended time to ice. The popcorn also doesn't get mushy like a bag of peas, so you can keep re-using them. LOVE IT...thanks so much Brenda!
My other learning is that every time I see a health professional, I need to ask the question..."Do I know everything I need to know about how to handle this treatment?" or "Is there anything that can be done to lessen the side effects of this treatment? This is so important because guess what? I asked that question yesterday about the 3-5 days of flu-like effects from Zometa and the nurse said..."Oh, we can take care of that. We'll just give you Decadron and Toradol IV before we give you the Zometa and you won't experience those effects". WHAT? Where was this advice the first 3 times? So I have no fever today, no achiness...only the pre-Zometa level of fatigue and burn healing effects. Praise the Lord for that!! So my advice...be sure you always ask lots of questions and take someone with you to remind you to ask lots of questions. The folks seeing us are busy, are thinking about all they have to do that day, have lives outside of work they may be worrying about...and like us, just don't always remember to tell us stuff that would really help us. Not intentionally...just being human beings!
I'm amazed at the level of emotional support I still need. Many, many of you have sent me emails and/or called or left blog posts, visited or sent cards the past couple of weeks and I'm amazed that you're not just TIRED of it all! It's a lot to support someone over an extended period of time. I've been so guilty of doing something nice for someone in need and then just checking that 'to-do' off my list mentally. I'm now experiencing what's it's like to NOT have been checked-off other people's lists and it's really humbling and reminds me to work on that in my own life from now on. Teddy-bless his sweet heart--deserves the ultimate prize. Yesterday he took me out for a great lunch then stayed with me through my appointment and treatment. Thanks so much Teddy!

Hair!

2009-06-02T17:26:00.003-04:00

For some of you, seeing my fuzzy little head and big schnoz will be more than you wanted to see! But for others, seeing this picture of my soft duck fuzz will cause rejoicing! Yes, it's true...I have de-scarfed for good! It happened during the Indy 500 race. I had carefully planned my outfit to match a beautiful cotton scarf that my sweet neighbor Emine had so carefully hemmed for me. But as I sat there in the full sun, I suddenly realized that if I didn't let some heat escape from my head, I was going to have a heat stroke for sure! So off came the scarf!

The immediate reaction from family and friends was that they couldn't believe I was still covering my head and that my duck fuzz looked just fine! So I'm now free! With the summer heat now in full gear, my hair is coming back just in time!

I ask for special prayers for the next five days. My burned and blistered skin is gradually improving but still fairly painful. My energy level has really been low still from the cumulative and continuing effects of the radiation, so I'm not looking forward to my IV-Zometa treatment tomorrow, which will cause another 3-5 days of low-grade fever and flu-like aches. If you remember, I'm in this national clinical trial, testing whether Zometa (originally developed to treat osteoporosis) lessens the chance that the cancer will come back in my bones. I have monthly treatments...so tomorrow is my June infusion, then also in July and August. After that, I will receive IV-Zometa every 3 months for another 30 months! I also see my oncologist tomorrow, so I'm sure I'll hear more about when I start on the oral drug, Arimidex, which I'll take for 5 years.

I'm just so anxious to feel good again! I know...patience, patience!

Untold Signs of Treatment & Hints of Progress!

2009-05-28T17:18:00.003-04:00

I really appreciate all that my doctors and nurses have told me along this journey...but there are some surprising things they don't think to tell you.

One is that you lose the hair in your nose! Now for those of you who dream of not having to fight these nasty little hairs that like to creep outside their nasal boundaries, I'm here to tell you that nose hair plays a vital role. First, nose hair protects inhalation of nasty airborne pathogens. But it also plays a very practical role and it wasn't until I lost all my nasal hair that I wanted it back...as every time my nose produced it's normal moisture, it just ran right out of my nose instead of being held on my nasal membranes by those short, but mighty little helpers. So I found myself needing to "dab" at my nose all day long which was really irritating! So imagine my joy this morning as I applied my make-up to find that the little guys are returning. It sounds silly, but I was so happy to see those little helpers come back!

Another thing they don't tell you is that many people, including me, get what they call "chemo rings" on their nails. If you look closely at my fingernails on the picture, you will see that I now have something in common with trees! I have two rings showing, but two more await below what is visible (you get one ring per chemo treatment). So seeing these rings move closer and closer to the white part of my nail and filing them away over time will feel good too.

Isn't it crazy what signs you long for to mark your progress towards life without cancer? Isn't it also amazing to witness what cancer treatment does to every cell in your body? It gives me pause to realize that I need to acknowledge the work that my good body is doing to overcome not only the cancer, but also the associated effects from the treatments.

We are indeed wonderfully made and I praise God above for all that is known and unknown about the way our bodies fight these types of massive assaults...it is indeed something awe- inspiring to witness and to experience day to day. So in my greater-than-normal sense of fatigue today, I pause to recognize that my body is doing some mighty work and I need to cooperate by taking the demands on myself down a notch or two! Remind me to do that the next time you see me OK?

Today is the BIG DAY!

2009-05-27T06:00:00.003-04:00

It's finally here! My last day of radiation! The last day of phases 1 (surgery), 2 (chemo) and 3 (radiation) of my five phase treatment (4-Zometa for another 33 months and 5-Arimidex for 5 years). But it somehow feels like I've crossed the finish line--taken the checkered flag--had a drink of the milk of healing! I'm so very ready to get my life back to normal...even if it is a "new normal" that still contains some additional treatment and of course, those twice yearly check-ups.

We're celebrating today in fine style. First, we're going to lunch with Jodi and Ed Schaffer...dear friends of ours that we both worked with in the ER some 35+years ago! Then Teddy is taking me to R Bistro which is my favorite restaurant for dinner. So actually, it's going to be a full party day!

I'm filled with gratitude for all the hundreds of ways you've all touched Ted and me and our extended nuclear family with support over the last six months. You've all made such a difference in this tough journey...turning it into a ride we could handle despite the bumps along the way! Thank you all so very much!

I'm going to keep writing the blog for a little while longer because as they say...the healing continues. For me, the healing won't be complete until my energy is back, the skin on my chest is healed, I need a hair cut, I'm back in shape, Teddy feels like "I'm back" and I've completed my first check-up! So until then, I'll keep you posted on my progress.

Report Card!

2009-05-21T14:47:00.003-04:00

Several of you have written me in the last few days asking me how I'm doing, so here goes! For starters, I have a chest you could fry an egg on! (I started to write 'a really hot chest', but knew where that would go!) It's really burned, but thankfully my skin is still intact, so according to those who guide the radiation rays my way each day, I'm doing good. I have special stuff to apply multiple times daily and have found it most helpful to fall asleep at night with an ice bag on my chest...a new cure for both my skin and those ever present hot flashes!

I'm also pretty fatigued, not enough to really slow me down much...but just enough to take a bit more mental fortitude to get up and do what I need to do each day.

The best part though is that I have just 3 treatments left...YEAH! I go tomorrow, then Tues/Wed next week and I'm officially done with radiation on the 27th! It will be great not only to start the upward trend towards healing, but also that I won't have to organize my day around this daily treatment schedule.

I wish I could say that I'm off to my first week of NO doctor appointments, but alas, not so. I have Zometa IV again on June 3rd (which is followed by 3-5 days of flu-like symptoms) and an appointment with a genetic counselor (to determine if I need genetic testing to inform family members) on June 8th.

So it looks like my first full week without ANY doc appointments will be the week of June 15th! Praise God above...really looking forward to it!

Most of all, I just continue to feel so blessed. Literally every single person that I've come in contact with at the hospital as I go for my daily treatment, is in a far worse situation. So once again, no whining is coming from this mouth...only thankfulness and anticipation of the joy of returning to a far greater sense of wellness!

For Better For Worse

2009-05-18T14:21:00.002-04:00

Today is Ted's and my 35th anniversary! We remarked to each other that in one way, the time has passed so quickly, yet when we stop to consider all that has happened to us across those 35 years, it feels more like 50!

So today, I want to honor my hubby! There is no luckier woman on the face of the earth than me! There is no better soul mate for me than Ted. In all the many, many ways that really matter over a lifetime together, he has always, always been there for me...and for our family.

Tonight, we'll attend a wine tasting dinner together. We'll remember the many challenges we've faced together. But mostly we'll remember all the blessings of our marriage...our love, our wonderful kids and now our growing nuclear family, our many good times with friends and family and all the lives that are now intermingled with ours in that journey. A wonderful life...a blessed life!

Here's to my Teddy...I will love you forever and always!

Clouds

2009-05-15T08:26:00.002-04:00

Did you, like me, lie on your back in the grass looking up at clouds when you were a kid? Seeing if you could see a likeness of this or that character in the clouds? Have you since that time flown above the clouds to see the splendid magnificence of the heavenly side of them? Among the most beautiful scenes I've ever witnessed is a flight that I took at sunset that gave me a breathtaking view of cloud mountains, all painted in brilliant hues of pink and purple...glorious!

I loved my devotion this morning, as it uses clouds as a metaphor for troubles that come our way where we only see the underside of our cloud. The story goes on to point out the other wondrous side of clouds as God's view of these troubles. The last line reads..."that clouds are always moving and passing before God's cleansing wind".

So we can paint our troubles in glorious hues of pink and purple, bathed in brilliant light and only temporarily there before the next wind blows them by!

So as I'm feeling the full effects of chemo and radiation with all it's bodily symptoms...a very raw chest, an irritated esophagus and the expected fatigue...they are just temporary clouds....blowing by just for a moment.

Anticipating the "New Normal"

2009-05-14T11:04:00.003-04:00

I've been reading ahead lately. You know...I've read tons of stuff on how to get through chemo and radiation, so anticipating that I'll be done with radiation soon, I became more interested in the last chapters of these books...all of them talk about the "new normal"!

What they write about is that when treatment is over, everybody pretty much thinks you're cured of cancer (a lovely thought indeed!) and goes back to their lives and expects you to go back to yours. And you want to go back to yours...except for this one thing...the big "R" word looms somewhere out there in a cloud of uncertainty. Recurrence! Will it come back? When will it come back? How will it come back? How does a person cope with all that normal, natural "what if" junk that crowds a head when one has just come through treatment for cancer.

From what I'm reading..it take a lot of thought work...a lot of thought reconstruction if you will...to turn those fears into something manageable and to move on with life.

I read that the worst thing you can say to a person who has just finished treatment is "Well...now that's over!" One of the books had a great quote from a doctor whose patient had asked the question..."How will I know when I'm cured of cancer?" The doc wisely answered..."When you die of something else".

Because it's never really over in terms of thinking about if and when cancer might come back. Those thoughts need time to legitimately be there in full force...get more dim with time...and finally rest in their proper place somewhere in the background of a life once again full of life and anticipation and hope and love! Like our wise elders say to us...it just takes time!

Celebrating a Moment!

2009-05-07T08:55:00.004-04:00

It was 9 o'clock last night when I asked Ted and the Wrigster to hop up and go for a walk with me. It had been raining all day, but was warm and quiet with the air full of those clean spring smells that come after a rain. We walked arm in arm enjoying the peace and quiet and celebrating a small, but coveted moment...I had just finished grading papers, essentially completing the semester!

I remember what I felt like in January when I started this semester. I was only four days post-op from the lumpectomy. I hadn't started chemo yet. I hadn't read a single page of the 1,000's of pages of reading for both courses. I barely understood how to use the online technology we use in both courses. I hadn't met a single one of the 38 students in one course and 10 in the other. My wonderful teaching partners assured me I'd be OK, but I wondered if I would be able to carry my share of the load along with going through treatment. I had not yet gone through the interview process to assure continuance of my faculty position. In short, the moment I had last night loomed as a real challenge back in January!

So last night was sweet! It felt great! It felt so good to look back and dwell for a moment on how great the last 4 months have been in all regards! I say this all of the time, but all of you played a HUGE role in this celebration. Your support and constant words and deeds of encouragement have truly been so wonderful!

So what's next? I start teaching 'solo' (well kind of...Professor Anna is in the wings ready to help at a moment's notice)! I have 22 students that start summer school next Wednesday. Monday marks the 50% mark with daily radiation treatments, so will finish that phase by the end of May. Zometa treatments will continue once a month for three more months, then every 3 months for an additional 30 months. I'll start an oral medication soon that I will take for 5 years. And the best marker of a return to normalcy...my hair will grow back over the summer!!

So it feels like life is easing up a bit! So for the next few days, I'm just going to bask in the sweetness of accomplishment! Hope you're finding moments to celebrate too!

Mini-Me

2009-05-02T14:01:00.003-04:00

Today was the world's largest mini-marathon...yep, right here in Indy! Ted and I have walked it twice and I must say, we thoroughly enjoyed watching it in our PJ's this morning vs. the very early morning endured by 40,000+ runners plus all their supporters and of course, the many organizers, TV personalities and volunteers.

We really enjoy watching this event on TV. The best part is that the reporters always interview people with great stories...an 87-year-old who runs just because he likes to do "what old people shouldn't be able to do", a 7-year-old from Tulsa who ran it with his Dad (beat the old man by 15 min!), father/daughter teams, wheelchair athletes, thin people, fat people, serious runners and those who are just out there to have a great time.

I felt like "mini-me", living vicariously this year through their stories and being okay with the fact that my "mini" this year has been the last 5 months. We each have our "hurdle" to cross but we all have one thing in common. We're striving to conquer something that might have overtaken us, but we just wouldn't let it!

Positive Situational Focusing

2009-04-30T19:56:00.003-04:00

OK, so occasionally I'm going to put on my academic hat and apply what I know from science to my own life. So there's a very important concept called "positive situational focusing" which is a fancy term for responding to any situation, I mean ANY situation, by focusing on what's positive about it. Studies have shown that people who develop and use this skill are happier, healthier and live longer than people who don't. Makes sense if you think about it...when you're grouchy and being a Captain Dark Cloud, your body listens to all that anger and frustration and produces lots of chemicals that do bad things to your cells. Conversely, if you try to respond to each situation (even though it's tough by any measure) by looking for the positives, even if they're hard to find, your body listens to that too...and produces good chemicals that do good things to help you heal and stay well.

So here's the application. I'm sitting in a very tiny waiting area today with my fellow "radiation partners" and for the first time since I started 3 days ago, everyone is talkative. Actually when I walked in...one of the ladies said that they had just been talking about me..that they had seen me yesterday and really liked that I was dressed up...loved my scarf and makeup and felt uplifted that I looked good. Who knew right?

So anyhoo, we started talking. The girl who goes just before me is about 27 with a 20 month old baby, who had to move in with her mom, so she could get through treatment. She drives 45 min each day to get radiated. The other guy in treatment is about 45 years old and lives just outside of Champagne, IL, so he and his wife are actually renting a small apartment on campus for the whole summer...as he is getting radiation now, but will then go into chemotherapy starting mid-June. When they asked where I live...it was REALLY hard to tell them I lived a mile away and work across the street.

So that was my picture today...man oh man...do I feel lucky. I went in today, feeling a bit frustrated at the fact that I really feel more tired this week and have to do this every day, but my orientation got turned on its head after meeting these folks. Just shows us all...no matter what we are struggling with...there's someone who has it worse...much worse...so what's the deal Ralph? (a favorite family phrase)

It's quite embarrassing to think how our humanness gets in the way of realizing how God blesses us each day and takes care of our every need...just to see, just to breathe easily, just to walk, just to be able to think and problem solve, just to have use of our hands, just to have people who love us, just to have food and shelter, just to live in a democratic society where we have a voice, just to be able to love God freely and publicly. Hope you take a moment to thank God for your blessings as you read this...as I did today! I'm looking forward to anything I can do to lift my fellow "radiation partners" up...to make their day...to make life a bit brighter for them each day...and I have 17 more days to do it!

We're Back!

2009-04-29T19:51:00.009-04:00

We all made it safe and sound to Tucson and now back to our respective lives post-celebratory weekend. We all had a wonderful kick-back time in an absolutely gorgeous location thanks to our friends, Alisa & Lance Wright's generosity. Their home could not have been a more perfect place for all of us to enjoy each others company. Parker and Finley (our 20 month old twin grand babies) suffered a bit from the two hour time change, so woke up perfectly on time, despite the fact that it was 4-5AM in Tucson! Brian and Brooke were the consummate coping parents despite this fact and also that the twins learned quickly how to climb out of their Pac n' Plays the first day! I picked this picture of Kyle with the babes on his lap as he innocently felt he could work on his laptop, only to have Finley pick off multiple keys! Kyle--hope your "C" key gets fixed soon!

We swam, hot tubbed, took great walks, hiked one day, cooked great food (that's Ted below making his signature French Toast--YUM!), sunned ourselves, played Domino's and most of all, just enjoyed sitting on the deck chatting away while gazing out on the beautiful spring desert and mountains. So my 56th birthday was just awesome!

Many thanks to our son Kyle who came from New York, our son Joel and his girlfriend Jo, who came from San Francisco and Brian, Brooke and the babes, who trekked more baggage and baby equipment than a Conestoga wagon, from St. Louis. All of them have super packed-in lives and demanding jobs, so Ted and I really appreciate what it took for them to come celebrate with us!

I started radiation Tuesday morning. My chest looks like an op-art artist ran a muck! It's painted all over with lines of various lengths and angles so that they can line up the machines properly each day! Today, I learned that I need to carry work or reading material with me each day and think of all afternoon plans as tentative as my promised 20 min stay turned into two hours! I was not a happy camper!

Ah well, two days down and only 18 more to go, so that's what I need to stay focused on! It's very easy to feel blessed while waiting my turn, as all the others I see and talk to are much more seriously ill than I am! It's also easy to see why fatigue plays such a role as many drive from distant places each day to receive treatment, while I live a whole mile away and work across the street! So no complaints will emerge out of my mouth! I am once again, truly blessed!

Cold & Wet to Hot & Dry

2009-04-21T19:36:00.006-04:00

We're off and so glad to be headed away from this dreary weather and toward the warm sunshine! We're all packed and ready to fly out VERY EARLY tomorrow morning. Brooke has been packing since Saturday...are we excited or what?

Needless to say, we are ALL needing some time together as a family to just breathe and realize that we all actually made it through the winter! It hasn't been easy for any of us...Kyle has survived multiple lay-offs and logged countless miles as a pack mule (lots of equipment/little help) producing features across the U.S., Joel's job is good but follows him wherever he goes hungrily trying to eat every moment of his life, Jo has survived her last year of fellowship and has secured a full time academic position at UCSF, Brian has survived a brutal interim year with 3 months of ICU and hours that would kill a mere mortal, Brooke bore the brunt of all else during Brian's brutal hours and Ted has endured ME plus huge changes in his business.

So as I take the rest of the week without a blog post, envision all of us on Alisa's pool deck, gazing at a sunset, enjoying lots of fun banter back and forth while enjoying a bottle of wine and just breathing a huge sigh of relief! We made it!

Race for the Cure

2009-04-19T09:13:00.013-04:00

Ted and I are so thankful that I felt good enough to walk the Race for the Cure yesterday. It was an incredible experience! We started our day with a wonderful protein breakfast at our neighbor Cindy Lasher's house. There we met Kristin and Shannon, Cindy's friends, who became great supporters throughout the morning (see pictured with Ted and me).

We all walked to the IUPUI campus to find 40,000+ "pink people" ready to go. I left the group to find my "survivor" group which was the most moving part of the experience for me. While waiting on everyone to get organized, I heard their stories of fighting breast cancer, but most importantly it was amazing how quickly we all felt bonded to each other...knowing for sure that we were with people who truly understand what's it's like to walk this journey.

Once organized, all of us walked through multiple arches of pink balloons in the survivor parade. The picture above is taken as I walked through the pink archways with other survivors in the parade. People line the flag-lined parade route screaming, clapping and waving to their loved ones...it's really something to experience. The flags form a gigantic pink ribbon, which all the survivors literally fill in with their bodies, with their families in white shirts forming the outline surrounding us. Once all the survivors were included, a photographer high atop in a cherry picker, took our picture.

We all then enjoyed the 5K walk. I was surprised to see many people I knew along the way...Connie Frey with her sis-in-law Susie and friend Nora; my soon to be niece Julia Santi and her parents; my department chair Anne and her friend; a dear friend & co-faculty member and survivor as well Pat Ebright; Neesha and her friend from PeachTree where Brian and Brooke lived here in Indy; and even the little lady who serves us sushi at Bistro Chopstix with her family.

It was just an incredible experience, so if a Komen walk is ever in your city, I urge you to experience it. The whole experience will warm your heart and renew your sense that there's a lot of GOOD in the world!

Better, Better...GOOD!

2009-04-16T09:37:00.007-04:00

I'm happy to report that for really the first time in some 20+ days, I'm feeling much, much better! And it's timed with the arrival of some great sunshine today after way too many days of cold temps and gray skies hanging on as if the winter just doesn't want to let go! Starting late last week, as my white count came back up, I began to have enough of those little guys around to actually cause me to 'feel' the inflammatory response of the pneumonia and just generally to be achy, a tad feverish and a lot tired.

So I'm really glad that starting on Monday, I was able to go to work for a few hours and to spend serious hours grading papers Monday and Tuesday to get caught up. I was out and about most of the day yesterday and though really tired last night, I felt good enough to take on the whole day. And this morning, I feel even better. So the ole' bod has done a great job once again! I'm so thankful to my Maker for the wonderful, mysterious and glorious ways that the human body recovers from such insults! We are wonderfully made!

Ferrari Spirit, Volkswagon Body!

2009-04-14T08:45:00.004-04:00

OK, I admit it. I'm frustrated...really frustrated. My mind is ready to go...ready to move on...ready to get walkin' in this beautiful weather...ready to get caught up at play and at work.

But my body on the other hand, is lagging behind! It's achy and stiff from being in bed at the hospital and gets tired way too fast. I've had to take a nap each day...a luxury that I know many of my readers lust for...but not me.

My "mind-engine" is full of life and plans and people to be with and fun things to do, so I'm ready to bounce back...ready to move on, ready to get goin'! I've got a bright and shiny exterior (especially my bald head), gas in the tank (great nutrition), no hitches in my electrical system (all nerves firing), a slightly clogged air filter (still the tiny remains of pneumonia), a gorgeous interior (my soul content with this journey), and great capacity for acceleration (motivation).

But oh, what's this? I forgot. I don't see my hands on the steering wheel! Of course, I'm not in charge of this engine! I have to be a Volkswagon for a bit longer...but it feels good to vent about it anyway!

The Meaning of Easter to Me!

2009-04-12T06:00:00.005-04:00

This is a very special day for me and I pray for you too! I admit it...when I was a kid (which perhaps lasted until I was in my late 20's), Easter was the day I wore a pretty new spring-colored outfit and loved being part of a big family gathering complete with fun egg hunts, ham and all the trimmings.

But then I came into a whole new understanding. I now see the day totally differently. I still feel so blessed to be with family on Easter...but I also find time to be still and thank God that I now deeply understand the meaning of Christ's death for me on the cross and the victory that we now celebrate in God's victory over Jesus' death. No longer is my soul in that dark and lifeless tomb...Christ is risen and alive in my heart, in every moment of my day, like breathing in and out!

Dr. Wrigglebee I Presume!!

2009-04-10T11:03:00.004-04:00

Dr. Wrigglebee had been fully in charge of my healing since I got home from the hospital. Here is his treatment plan...
--Lying beside me constantly to monitor all signs and symptoms
--Expecting me to follow him upstairs daily for an afternoon nap
--Kisses on my ear multiple times daily to inject his healing dog-potion
--Making me take him outside so that I'll get some fresh air
--Bringing me his ball multiple times a day, so I remember to play

All in all, his plan is working beautifully. All signs are my return to high white counts and good health are right on track!

Oh, and Dr. Wrigglebee wanted me to tell you all that he's not taking new patients right now...he says I'm a handful and all he can manage at the moment!

Thanks to my Wellness Team!

2009-04-09T11:10:00.003-04:00

Nursing Staff on 2North
Nursing Staff in the Emergency Department
Dr. Rutherford, Emergency Department
Drs. Hannah & Cate & Deb Racster, RN
University Hospital
550 N. University Boulevard
Indianapolis, IN 46202

To all the good people on Julie Meek’s Wellness Team:

I just had to write to thank all of you for your wonderful care during my recent hospital stay, April 4-8th, 2009. I’ve shared with everyone in my life, that I absolutely had “world-class care”!

I truly appreciated…
• That when I came in late Saturday night to the ED, that the administrative staff checked me in right away and did such a good job with all my paperwork,
• That my nurses started the “post-chemo patient with fever” drill so quickly and that the lab responded so quickly, so Drs. Rutherford and Schneider knew right away what to do, thus preventing a bad situation from becoming a really life-threatening situation,
• That Dr. Rutherford was so totally peer-like in his approach to me and gave me “drips” of results vs. making me wait hours to know what was going on (believe it or not, we had a really great time sharing stories about how emergency medicine had changed since I left that world in 1992!),
• That my nurses on 2N, particularly Laura, Jaime and Jenelle, took every opportunity to ask me how I was doing and responded appropriately with both nursing intervention as well as executing the medical regimen with great precision,
• That Sharon took such good care of me and honored me by reading my ENTIRE blog after her long day at work and letting me know how much it meant to her,
• That Evan did a wonderful job meeting my every customer service need, but also adding loads of fun in his visits throughout my day,
• That the dear lady who brought my food (couldn’t see her nametag…sorry!) and the two sweet ladies who cleaned my room each day (again, couldn’t see your nametags very well as you were so busily cleaning!) were so pleasant and kind and always asked if I needed anything,
• That Dr. Hannah waited patiently the first morning while I got my doctor-son Brian on the phone and was so kind and thorough…I can tell he is a wonderful doctor and teacher!
• That Dr. Cate and all the other residents/students had so much fun placing bets on what my daily counts would be (so fun!) and advocated to get me home with Dr. Sledge (YEAH…great job Dr. Cate!),
• That Deb Racster would make a special trip back to me each afternoon with the “data” on my labs that I so loved to watch and keep track of (loved the graphs!), and
• That all the others who are unnamed here who ran my labs, cooked my food, delivered my drugs, kept my room warm, washed my linens, did the paperwork, and supervised/managed/administered the teams of people necessary to make it all work together for good, were doing their jobs too!!

So good people, great job! Please know how important your work is…each and every day. Thanks for remembering that I am a unique person…and respecting and treating me with such individualized care. Thanks for treating my husband Ted with such kindness too. You are a very special team and your passion for caring showed in every word and deed!

Home Again, Home Again Jiggity Jog

2009-04-08T15:20:00.000-04:00

YEAH! I'm going to home sweet home right now! The resident was successful in talking them into releasing me today despite the fact that I'm not quite at the '500' threshold (461). Praise God above for His answers to all our prayers! What could have been very serious was caught in time and has turned out so well.

I've talked to many of you who are concerned about me being turned loose without supervision (smile!). I promise to take it easier for a few days until my counts return to my true normal vs. just getting above the minimally acceptable levels.

Thanks to the so many of you who have touched Ted's and my lives over the last few days...it has truly made a world of difference! Bert Bell's prayer for every last one of my budding white cells (click on 4/6 post comments) is a precious read. I don't know that ANYONE has ever had a "white cell prayer" said for them, so I felt so special. Thank you Bert for loving us and praying so eloquently on our family's behalf! Thanks to the many other prayers from all of you...I FELT them in my bones, each and every one!

The White Count Daily Press!

2009-04-07T11:02:00.004-04:00

White count is now 1.8, up from 1.3 yesterday....YEAH! My neutrophil count is 288, up from 110 yesterday...this is the one that needs to be 500 before I can go home. I continue to have a normal temp, so we've met that criterion. I feel good. My care has been world class...everyone here at Univ Hospital has been so great. Doc thinks I should be where I need to be by tomorrow so we're hoping I can be home by tomorrow afternoon sometime. I feel the LOVE and PRAYERS comin' my way...thanks so much. I am truly blessed.

The White Count Update!

2009-04-06T12:09:00.012-04:00

Hi gang: Thanks to so many of you who have called or emailed me or even better---commented on the blog! I feel your healing support, prayers, and hugs!

Doc was in this morning...able to get Brian on the phone to be a part of that conversation which was super helpful. Bri says I'm getting textbook great care, so it's so nice to have your very own son watching out after ya. Our sweet Jo is watching too!

So here's the scoop...the critical "poly" count that was 24 when I came in, is now 110 as of this morning's blood draw. It needs to be 500 before I can go home. But that's a four-fold+ increase in one day, so your prayers are all working! Keep 'em comin'!

I'm in the hospital but doing fine

2009-04-05T18:57:00.003-04:00

I'm so ticked! Here I thought I was done with chemo and had escaped all the potentially more dramatic side effects. But afraid not. I had a bit of a minor cough and sore throat Thurs/Fri, but nothing big. After being out most of the day on Saturday though, we arrived home to find my temp was the magic number (101) where I was told I must call. So we arrived at the ER around 11p Sat night and discovered my white count was 1.2 (my normal is around 8) with a bit of left lower lobe pneumonia. So I was admitted around 3am Sunday and will need to stay on IV antibio's until one of the white cell types is above a certain acceptable threshold and I'm afebrile. They say "a few days". The good news...I really don't feel bad at all.

So pray that my bone marrow makes those white cells like crazy so I can get outta here! I'll go home on oral antibio's and likely be on 'house arrest' until my white count gets most of the way back to normal. I'm gonna be bored to death, so feel free to call or email me. My phone number here at University Hospital is 317-274-9061. Don't worry about calling during the day...you all know naps are not possible in hospitals...so I'll be up!

Rewarding Myself!

2009-04-01T16:53:00.007-04:00

I feel really good that chemo is over. I was doing a task I've done a gazzilion times over these past two semesters...printing off readings, punching holes, stapling and getting my course work organized, when it hit me...I need a reward! So here's a picture of the 30+ year old dull 3-hole punch I was using with my pencil marks as guides. A real beauty and such capacity...it could do 3 whole pages at a time!

And here's my brand new Staples delight! What took me an hour before took me 5 minutes with this puppy! I was squealing with delight!

And if you're like me and still have a stapler that looks like the one in the foreground, get right out there to Staples and get the one in the background (they come in really cool colors). As it turns out, mankind has also made a huge leap forward in stapler technology! Who knew??

Saying Goodbye to ChemoLand!

2009-03-31T08:24:00.006-04:00

I know you all are sharing my joy as we collectively say "asta la vista baby" to ChemoLand!! Not that it didn't want to give me a last kick in the butt. For some reason, this time was nearly as uncomfortable as the first with some added throwing up just for fun (OK, put down your breakfast as you read this)!!

But I'm feeling much better today...will likely lay low at home one more day, but then in Stanley Tucci's words..."Gird your loins...she's back!"

Sending Virtual Cherry Pie!

2009-03-28T07:29:00.003-04:00

When Ted and I were young and life threw us a curve ball, we always stayed up and had cherry pie ala'mode. Most of these times were when the kids were really, really sick and it made us "sick with worry" about them. When we were up with them with croup, when Joel had a spinal tap and we were waiting on blood culture results, when Joel had orbital cellulitis. When Kyle and Brian were miserable with ear infections. Cherry pie with vanilla ice cream at 4AM got us through.

So Brian called us last night. He and Brooke had one of those days yesterday. Parker and Finley had a persistent two week duration cough, so while Brian was at work and on call last night, Brooke walked quite innocently into the pediatrician to get them checked out. This led to what some would say is medical precaution...or as it turned out a bit of over-diligence, but better to be safe I guess. Alone with the twins, Brooke was sent to the hospital for lots of delay time in the waiting room trying to keep P&F happy, then diagnostic chest Xrays...when she was in the room with Parker, Finley was screaming...when she was out with Finley, Parker was losin' it. She arrived home very late, with two very OK babies with a diagnosis of pertussis (croup for us old folks), while Brian could only offer words of encouragement as he was admitting his 8th patient of the day to ICU anticipating an entire night on call without sleep.

So all you commenters out there...let's fill up that comment box today with "cherry pie ala'mode" for Brooke and Brian. Sure wish I could drive that cherry pie over to you today B&B...love you guys! MiMi

What Cancer Cannot Do!

2009-03-26T11:06:00.004-04:00

I was checking out yesterday from my doc appointment and this poem was posted on the desk of the neat lady who did my check-out. I was able to find it on the Internet and wanted to post, as the words so reflect how I'm choosing to ride through this journey and in fact, through my life.

Cancer is so limited ...
It cannot cripple love,
It cannot shatter hope,
It cannot corrode faith,
It cannot eat away at peace,
It cannot destroy confidence,
It cannot kill friendship,
It cannot shut out memories,
It cannot invade the soul,
it cannot reduce eternal life,
It cannot quench the spirit,
It cannot lessen the power
of the resurrection. Anonymous

I am WELL because I have abundant blessings of love, relentless hope and faith, peace in my heart, confidence yet humility and awe at the amazing gifts of people around me, abundant and pouring-over-me friendships, happy happy memories, a soul at peace with myself and my Lord, and the promise of eternal life, an ever-so positive spirit, and most importantly, the promise of my Christ's resurrection that by His grace and forgiveness, there isn't anything that can swallow me if I lean on Him!

Nuf' said!

Last Chemo is DONE!

2009-03-25T14:38:00.002-04:00

Just a quick post to let you all know that chemo went really well this morning. No problems this time finding a vein and I actually finished an hour early. So though Sat/Sun/Mon will be 'down days', somehow that's OK as I know it's my last time to go through that.

I saw my oncologist before the chemo and was informed that once radiation is over, they won't do a mammogram for 3-4 months to let me heal a bit before squishing me while still tender from the radiation. They do mammo's twice a year for 3 years. I'll also be followed more closely because I'm in the Zometa clinical trial, so I'll be tested and see my oncologist every 3 months during that entire 3 years. One of the nice benefits of being in the trial I suppose is that you're watched more closely.

Also, thanks so much for the extra postings to my last blog!! Appreciate hearing from you and continuing to receive your love and support through this long journey. That's hard to sustain...I have often not been very good at that...so I guess I'm amazed even more when you continue to reach out despite the fact that it's now been nearly four months! So thank you again to all of you, who touch my life in various ways, for being so amazingly thoughtful and loving. I cherish every touch!

Comment-less!

2009-03-23T17:22:00.002-04:00

OK sports fans! I know you're hitting my blog because I can see the number of hits on Google Analytics (Oh yes, the world analyzes everything and being the data geek that I am, I love it!). The trouble is...that no one is commenting! What's the deal Ralph? Not only do I miss your comments, but people everywhere are wondering where you are Bert? People love your comments Bert...so have you been on vacation? I hope you're not sick.

But Bert can't pick up the slack for all of you...so let's get those comments goin'!!

P.S. For all my technologically-compromised friends and family members, all you have to do to comment, is to click on the "0 comments" link at the bottom of my blog posting, which then opens up a window, to which you write your comment in the open box under "Leave Your Comment", then choose an identity, then click on "Publish Comment". That's all there is to it!

If I be a'posting, y'all had better be a'commenting!

A Family That Plays Together Stays Together

2009-03-22T09:45:00.002-04:00

It's official...our most fervent practical prayer has been answered. All of us can go to Tucson! We can't believe it. Kyle, Joel, Jo, Brian and Brooke (yes, her job with the twins is BIG) have such busy, BIG jobs. So that they all can actually make this time together work..that we could all get our schedules in sync...is a precious miracle! Our last worry was that Brian's April residency rotation leader would not let him off, since he really doesn't have any more vacation time coming...but he said yes!!

So here's the other miracle. A dear friend and beautiful woman named Alisa Wright, who also has a BIG job, as CEO of BioConvergence in Bloomington, IN...has insisted that we stay at her vacation home in Tucson, complete with pool and hot tub on the golf course with our family. Do you believe that? I laughed with our friends Kurt & Joey (who treated us to our Cabo vaca) when I said..."this cancer gig has its benefits"!!

So we head for some sun and fun April 22nd-27th to squeak this in before I start radiation on April 28th. We absolutely can't wait!

Our Nesting Pair of Doves

2009-03-19T12:12:00.005-04:00

The dove. When Christ comes up from the water of his baptism, the Holy Spirit, in the form of a dove, comes down upon him and remains with him. (Matthew 3:16) It is said, that if a dove nests at your house, it is a house filled with great love, which being Christians, we believe comes more fully, as we are open to and blessed by the Holy Spirit!

Our male and female doves have arrived. These two make a nest in our back deck window box every spring. Ted and I find it especially comforting to remember that of all the homes they could have picked...ours is the one they chose and keep coming back to every spring.

The dove on our deck table today was fun, as Ted has not yet put the liners and dirt in our window boxes, so they keep looking through our kitchen patio door as if to say..."C'mon guys, get a move on...we have a nest to build"!!

What's Next!

2009-03-16T13:17:00.002-04:00

I just got back from my first meeting with Dr. Jane Andrews, who is my radiation oncologist. I liked her a lot as she gave me all my treatment options for this phase along with the pros/cons of each choice. I've decided to pursue the "Canadian" radiation regimen, so will go Mon-Fri for 4 weeks starting April 28th. So my last treatment will be Friday, May 22nd...just in time to celebrate the Indy 500 that weekend! I go for measurements/markings on April 20th, so nothing will interfere with our April 22nd-27th trip to Tucson! YEAH...gettin' there!

The Healing Power of Friends

2009-03-15T16:38:00.002-04:00

I'm still blown away. As most of you know, I love and adore my TFWC friends. For those of you who wonder what TFWC stands for...it's a secret that will never be told, so forget about trying to get that out of any of us! Anyhoo, all eight of us lived in Rogers Hall at Ball State together and let's just say we completely bonded over the fun, perils, thrills and heartbreaks of college life...living, learning and well, just helping each other grow up...OK, so that part didn't quite happen!!

At first we got together for our own wedding showers and weddings, followed by lots of baby showers and babies, then play dates and birthday parties for our kids, and now weddings for our kids and showers for our grandbabies. So as you can see, you can pretty much name the triumph or tragedy...one of us has had it happen, but we've been through all life has brought to each of us...together. In addition, for 33 years, we've been gathering for a weekend every summer and since our kids have grown and left home leaving a little more time for Mom, we've added a winter retreat at my house too.

But this weekend they said was just for me. So it all started Saturday afternoon at our house, as all came from far and wide....and the best part...our dear Susan flew in from Denver to surprise me!! I'm still speechless! Last night was filled with laughter, lots of healing hugs, all the junk food you could ever want...and a very special surprise gift. My jewelry collection consists of 2 pairs of earrings, so as I was getting my PJ's on, I came back downstairs to see literally at least 20 pairs of gorgeous hoop earrings to wear with my scarves...all given from their own collections with some new ones sprinkled in. They also gave me a special pink ribbon bracelet/matching earrings that I will wear each day until my treatment is completely over, remembering the love that went into this very special weekend of love in my life!

We ended the weekend with a group hug filled with loving words and prayers that will last in my memory forever. So thank you, thank you (pictured above left to right) Moni, Gracia, Geri, Munch and Susan plus Connie W (came too, but left pre-picture) and Connie B (protecting me from her flu virus, so called instead). You are the best forever girlfriends--what a lucky girl I am to have you all in my life! TFWC forever!

Top Ten Reasons It's Fun to be a Mexican Hairless

2009-03-13T10:26:00.003-04:00

#10. No nose hair...so no chance for those nasty buggers to form!
# 9. My shower drain runs clean and clear.
# 8. I don't have to carry a brush in my purse.
# 7. When the March winds blow, no hair will blow into my eyes. Roll those car windows down!
# 6. I no longer have to make a trip to the mall to have my eyebrows arched.
# 5. I no longer have to check to see if my mascara is smeared under my eyes.
# 4. I save a good 20 minutes getting ready in the morning.
# 3. I no longer release chrolo flora carbonates into the air from using hairspray.
# 2. Those hairy European women don't know what they're missing...smooth legs and underarms...with no effort...nice!

And the number one reason it's fun to be hairless is...
#1. Complete strangers do very kind things when they see my scarf-covered head. I haven't received that kind of treatment since I was pregnant, which honey...was a loonnng time ago!

Coming Out of the Gate!

2009-03-10T15:11:00.003-04:00

Hi all: This will be short and sweet as I'm not quite back to normal yet, but know that many are wondering how I'm doing post-third chemo round. This time, either I'm getting used to it, or my strategies are working better. I felt the crummiest Sunday afternoon and yesterday all day, but today, unlike last time, I'm at least able to get up a bit. I've dressed, caught up on email and thank you's, read a student's thesis in preparation for her defense tomorrow morning and had multiple phone conversations related to IU stuff. Last time, I was down, down all day Tuesday. So we like, like, like this improvement! My right arm still looks like a battlefield...they really had trouble finding a vein this time, so I've got 4 large bruises and feel compelled to hide my arm, lest people think I've been in a fight and lost!

Also wanted to share the great praise that my job at IU was finalized today! In these crazy economic times, I'm so very thankful that my Associate Professor role at IU has now been finalized and will provide me an opportunity to not only contribute greatly to the students and the school over the coming years, but also to provide Ted and me with all the benefits therein. All my colleagues at the school have been absolutely amazing in their support of my new role there, despite my lack of ability to be fully operational right now, so it's even more of a blessing. So many, many prayers of thanks are going heaven-ward for this news today. Go IU!

Do I Choose the Scrap Heap or Gold?

2009-03-04T12:41:00.002-05:00

Once again, my devotion today was spot on. The topic tied perfectly to the challenges of this week and to the wonderful reminders sent by many of you (thank you Bert, Connie M, Julie B, Jim K, Mike A and Connie F) in the last three days!

So in my devotion, a blacksmith is asked what he fears the most and he replies "I fear that I will be thrown in the scrap heap". When asked what he means by that, he replies...that when he is tempering a piece of steel, first he heats it, then he hammers it, then he plunges it into a bucket of cold water. Very soon, he sees whether the block of steel will take the tempering or go to pieces in the process. If it's discovered after a couple of temperings, that the block is not going to allow itself to be tempered, it is thrown on the scrap heap to be sold for a cent per pound to the junkman.

So the Lord is testing Ted and I and our kids too! We can choose to be tempered by the heat and hammering and cold water bath, or we can prove not to be a good fit for the Lord's tempering process and find ourselves thrown to the scrap heap with all the missed opportunity to be molded into something with the beauty of gold!

I made a choice at 30 years of age, to be tempered rather than to become part of the junk pile of this world. That process continues, but I have many, many examples of the blessings that abound during and after a time of tempering has come. So my advice to all those reading this...get quiet, get in a truly meaningful relationship with God, however that is defined for you, and rejoice in the times of tempering. They are times of rich reward.

Do You Know That Feeling?

2009-03-03T13:16:00.003-05:00

Do you know that feeling? There's something you need to do...but you just don't want to. Even the thought of knowing what you need to do brings a bad feeling in your gut, yet you know you must face it and do it anyway. Well, Ted and I are both having one of those weeks for different reasons.

For Ted, the tough economy combined with the ever-changing and challenging world of graphic technology, make life difficult for his customers, thereby making life challenging for him. For me, it's yet another round of much-needed chemotherapy, and knowing that behind it, I'll likely have another week of non-productivity, which of course is very frustrating to this "must keep my to-do list done" person!!

So I'm heads down Monday through Wednesday trying to get papers graded and reading done for my teaching job in addition to some catch-up on consulting work. Ted is working hard to help his customers solve their problems and meet their needs with his ever-dedicated focus to bringing them the best expertise and effort he can bring.

But most importantly, we're both girded by faith...that our hardship brings a greater leaning on our God of love and comfort, that our heartfelt efforts will be recognized by those we seek to serve, and that our love and support of each other will carry us someday to an easier time.

We're Back!

2009-02-28T09:00:00.003-05:00

We arrived safely home from Cabo late Thursday night, so spent yesterday sorting through all the versions of mail...e-, voice, and paper, plus laundering and sadly putting all our summer clothes back in storage as it's still 35 degrees here today!

We had an absolutely wonderful, restful time in Cabo. The picture above is one of many Ted took of the sunrises on the beach...just beautiful! Each day we awoke with the sun to walk or read, then hit a shady spot underneath a papala (hut) for fun on the beach and in the pool with our friends, then dinner out and to bed to arise and repeat the process all over again. Ted and I, being snow-skiing people, had never had a vacation this restful! So again, thanks to our friends Kurt and Joey, for making it such a special week for us! I felt really good from Friday forward, so really was able to optimize the time there.

As a perfect way to dull the pain of coming back from vacation, Kyle arrived last evening from NYC, to spend the weekend with us! So we're enjoying time with him and will have a fun night with his/our good friends Evan, Aaron, Matt, Lisa, Chad and Emmalee tonight.

So on Monday, we're back to work and anticipating another round of chemo this coming Thursday...so it's back to the reality of treatment. I just learned that my oncologist adopted a baby, so she is off on a well deserved parental leave through May 5th. So one of her associates will be seeing me this week. We continue to prepare a list of questions for each visit and are learning more and more about what to expect down the road, which is good.

Once again, we were so thankful for this break in the action...it was a wonderful time of enjoying God's beautiful scenery and the love of friends!

Heading for Fun!

2009-02-18T15:50:00.002-05:00

So I think this chemo round is mostly behind me! My bod was telling me to stay in bed this morning, but I forced myself to get up and as the day has gone on, I'm not quite back to normal, but feeling much better than the last two days.

So tomorrow at 7AM, we're headed for a great week in Cabo, thanks to our good friends Kurt and Joey. I'm fully prepared to NOT be in the sun, NOT drink the water or any version thereof. I'm also fully prepared to spend some days at the spa, walk the beach, read a great book, take naps every day and just completely hang out and play with our friends.

Ted is hoping that the winter will be long gone when we return and we'll soon be enjoying spring with the neighbors in our courtyard. So for all those still braving the cold this week, you have our sympathies. Stay warm and safe and we'll upload some good Cabo pics when we return!

Mr. Fatigue Visits

2009-02-17T07:52:00.003-05:00

A great colleague of mine put it best I think...she wants Mr. Fatigue to go away! Unfortunately, I'm still a bit puny this morning, so hopefully this is the last day he will languish! Overall, things went much better than last time however, and we had a wonderful time visiting with Joel and Jo from San Fran. All were very good about seeing me go down for naps every 3 hours or so, and I think Joel/Jo appreciated the rest too! Sis-and bro-in-law Donna and Mark brought wonderful food for us which brought comfort throughout the weekend. Thanks for all the 'touches' many of you gave us throughout this chemo, that let us know you were thinking of us. I'm hoping one more day and we'll be able to kick this treatment good-bye and gladly say...only 2 more chemo's to go!!