It's Been a Long Time!

I know, I know...you have waited and waited and many of you have contacted me just to make sure I'm OK.

I am OK...just not myself yet.  My tests have all been great..which is a real praise.  I'm able to work, to travel, to play (tho' not as much as I'd like yet) and to keep at life at a fairly normal pace, tho' it tires me more than I'm used to...to do so.  I keep reminding myself how great I've got it...as I go in for my treatments every 3 months and see nearly everyone in the infusion center worse off than me.

Part of me wants to put this chapter behind me.  But the honest truth is...the whole cancer experience is not behind me.  I promised myself that this blog would reflect my true experience and that I would keep it up until I felt fully recovered and had accomplished all of my recovery goals.  As you'll see to the right of this blog...I'm not there yet!

So what's the story on that?  Well, if anyone had told me that treatment would knock me down as much as it did...if it had just been all about me, I would like to think I would have reconsidered.  But the truth is...I wanted more than anything to ease my kid's and Ted's minds, so I likely would have made the same decisions.

It's been so surprising really...all the stuff that goes wrong with your body as a result of treatment.  I can't pass by someone with a cold without getting it...although victory was mine as my granddaughter had a doozie at Christmas and for the first time...I didn't get it.  I had a major bout of flu in early November that knocked me out for 5 days in bed and another 3 at home, then another 3 at work when I likely shouldn't have been.  I've finally conquered the plantar fasciitis in both feet that plagued me from the very beginning.  Apparently the chemo kills rapidly reproducing cells, so it's not that the connective tissue in my feet was deficient, but rather the replacement tissue so needed to keep my feet renewed was inadequate resulting in literally having my soles look like bubble wrap...ouch!

The sequelae of this was LIMITED EXERCISE which means I'm still FAT! Losing the 15 pounds gained during treatment has proven the tallest challenge.  The picture here is of us hiking in Muir Woods which was fun but embarrassing as everyone did fine but had to wait on me to stop now and then to slow my heart rate.

Then's there's the thrush...which means a Candida infection in my mouth and throat which has steadily worsened since treatment.  My oncologist acted like it was no big deal and reluctantly prescribed a prescription mouth gargle...WORTHLESS!  Then I convinced another doc to prescribe me an oral med....nearly effective, but the moment I finished it...the thrush returned.  After researching it in the literature...it's a common sequelae of treatment and also the Zometa drug I'm still receiving and can cause major systemic symptoms...foggy cognitive processing, joint aches, inability to lose weight...you got it...many of the symptoms that still plague me.  So I'm going to try probiotics to try and restore the normal flora that eat these yeast critters!

I know I rarely whine...but I'm sick of it and I mean it! (a common phrase of two-year-olds and appropriate for this written tantrum!).  I can't put two weeks together where I really even feel OK.

I talk with like-treated women and they all tell me it took them 2-3 years to feel better from treatment.  I'm 18 months out.  I just wish my doc's would have prepared me better...it's frustrating to have your expectations not met, so I wouldn't have developed them had I known.  I'm determined to help correct this for other women.

So that's why I'm keeping the blog up.  I also think it's useful as a reminder that if you know someone who has gone through treatment...the end of treatment is not the end of their cancer experience...it's only the beginning point of the healing process.  I didn't at all get that before and feel badly that I wasn't as supportive as I should have been to good friends who have gone through cancer treatment.  So if you read this and are more aware, then it's worth it to me to keep writing.

I'm eating super healthy foods which is nothing new for me...sleeping 9-10 hours a night...continuing my weight training...starting aerobic exercise at the YMCA 2 blocks from our house...and enjoying life as much as I can.  Here's to feeling like myself again!