Positive Situational Focusing

OK, so occasionally I'm going to put on my academic hat and apply what I know from science to my own life. So there's a very important concept called "positive situational focusing" which is a fancy term for responding to any situation, I mean ANY situation, by focusing on what's positive about it. Studies have shown that people who develop and use this skill are happier, healthier and live longer than people who don't. Makes sense if you think about it...when you're grouchy and being a Captain Dark Cloud, your body listens to all that anger and frustration and produces lots of chemicals that do bad things to your cells. Conversely, if you try to respond to each situation (even though it's tough by any measure) by looking for the positives, even if they're hard to find, your body listens to that too...and produces good chemicals that do good things to help you heal and stay well.

So here's the application. I'm sitting in a very tiny waiting area today with my fellow "radiation partners" and for the first time since I started 3 days ago, everyone is talkative. Actually when I walked in...one of the ladies said that they had just been talking about me..that they had seen me yesterday and really liked that I was dressed up...loved my scarf and makeup and felt uplifted that I looked good. Who knew right?

So anyhoo, we started talking. The girl who goes just before me is about 27 with a 20 month old baby, who had to move in with her mom, so she could get through treatment. She drives 45 min each day to get radiated. The other guy in treatment is about 45 years old and lives just outside of Champagne, IL, so he and his wife are actually renting a small apartment on campus for the whole summer...as he is getting radiation now, but will then go into chemotherapy starting mid-June. When they asked where I live...it was REALLY hard to tell them I lived a mile away and work across the street.

So that was my picture today...man oh man...do I feel lucky. I went in today, feeling a bit frustrated at the fact that I really feel more tired this week and have to do this every day, but my orientation got turned on its head after meeting these folks. Just shows us all...no matter what we are struggling with...there's someone who has it worse...much worse...so what's the deal Ralph? (a favorite family phrase)

It's quite embarrassing to think how our humanness gets in the way of realizing how God blesses us each day and takes care of our every need...just to see, just to breathe easily, just to walk, just to be able to think and problem solve, just to have use of our hands, just to have people who love us, just to have food and shelter, just to live in a democratic society where we have a voice, just to be able to love God freely and publicly. Hope you take a moment to thank God for your blessings as you read this...as I did today! I'm looking forward to anything I can do to lift my fellow "radiation partners" up...to make their day...to make life a bit brighter for them each day...and I have 17 more days to do it!

We're Back!

We all made it safe and sound to Tucson and now back to our respective lives post-celebratory weekend. We all had a wonderful kick-back time in an absolutely gorgeous location thanks to our friends, Alisa & Lance Wright's generosity. Their home could not have been a more perfect place for all of us to enjoy each others company. Parker and Finley (our 20 month old twin grand babies) suffered a bit from the two hour time change, so woke up perfectly on time, despite the fact that it was 4-5AM in Tucson! Brian and Brooke were the consummate coping parents despite this fact and also that the twins learned quickly how to climb out of their Pac n' Plays the first day! I picked this picture of Kyle with the babes on his lap as he innocently felt he could work on his laptop, only to have Finley pick off multiple keys! Kyle--hope your "C" key gets fixed soon!


We swam, hot tubbed, took great walks, hiked one day, cooked great food (that's Ted below making his signature French Toast--YUM!), sunned ourselves, played Domino's and most of all, just enjoyed sitting on the deck chatting away while gazing out on the beautiful spring desert and mountains. So my 56th birthday was just awesome!



Many thanks to our son Kyle who came from New York, our son Joel and his girlfriend Jo, who came from San Francisco and Brian, Brooke and the babes, who trekked more baggage and baby equipment than a Conestoga wagon, from St. Louis. All of them have super packed-in lives and demanding jobs, so Ted and I really appreciate what it took for them to come celebrate with us!

I started radiation Tuesday morning. My chest looks like an op-art artist ran a muck! It's painted all over with lines of various lengths and angles so that they can line up the machines properly each day! Today, I learned that I need to carry work or reading material with me each day and think of all afternoon plans as tentative as my promised 20 min stay turned into two hours! I was not a happy camper!

Ah well, two days down and only 18 more to go, so that's what I need to stay focused on! It's very easy to feel blessed while waiting my turn, as all the others I see and talk to are much more seriously ill than I am! It's also easy to see why fatigue plays such a role as many drive from distant places each day to receive treatment, while I live a whole mile away and work across the street! So no complaints will emerge out of my mouth! I am once again, truly blessed!

Cold & Wet to Hot & Dry

We're off and so glad to be headed away from this dreary weather and toward the warm sunshine! We're all packed and ready to fly out VERY EARLY tomorrow morning. Brooke has been packing since Saturday...are we excited or what?

Needless to say, we are ALL needing some time together as a family to just breathe and realize that we all actually made it through the winter! It hasn't been easy for any of us...Kyle has survived multiple lay-offs and logged countless miles as a pack mule (lots of equipment/little help) producing features across the U.S., Joel's job is good but follows him wherever he goes hungrily trying to eat every moment of his life, Jo has survived her last year of fellowship and has secured a full time academic position at UCSF, Brian has survived a brutal interim year with 3 months of ICU and hours that would kill a mere mortal, Brooke bore the brunt of all else during Brian's brutal hours and Ted has endured ME plus huge changes in his business.

So as I take the rest of the week without a blog post, envision all of us on Alisa's pool deck, gazing at a sunset, enjoying lots of fun banter back and forth while enjoying a bottle of wine and just breathing a huge sigh of relief! We made it!

Race for the Cure

Ted and I are so thankful that I felt good enough to walk the Race for the Cure yesterday. It was an incredible experience! We started our day with a wonderful protein breakfast at our neighbor Cindy Lasher's house. There we met Kristin and Shannon, Cindy's friends, who became great supporters throughout the morning (see pictured with Ted and me).

We all walked to the IUPUI campus to find 40,000+ "pink people" ready to go. I left the group to find my "survivor" group which was the most moving part of the experience for me. While waiting on everyone to get organized, I heard their stories of fighting breast cancer, but most importantly it was amazing how quickly we all felt bonded to each other...knowing for sure that we were with people who truly understand what's it's like to walk this journey.




Once organized, all of us walked through multiple arches of pink balloons in the survivor parade. The picture above is taken as I walked through the pink archways with other survivors in the parade. People line the flag-lined parade route screaming, clapping and waving to their loved ones...it's really something to experience. The flags form a gigantic pink ribbon, which all the survivors literally fill in with their bodies, with their families in white shirts forming the outline surrounding us. Once all the survivors were included, a photographer high atop in a cherry picker, took our picture.

We all then enjoyed the 5K walk. I was surprised to see many people I knew along the way...Connie Frey with her sis-in-law Susie and friend Nora; my soon to be niece Julia Santi and her parents; my department chair Anne and her friend; a dear friend & co-faculty member and survivor as well Pat Ebright; Neesha and her friend from PeachTree where Brian and Brooke lived here in Indy; and even the little lady who serves us sushi at Bistro Chopstix with her family.

It was just an incredible experience, so if a Komen walk is ever in your city, I urge you to experience it. The whole experience will warm your heart and renew your sense that there's a lot of GOOD in the world!

Better, Better...GOOD!

I'm happy to report that for really the first time in some 20+ days, I'm feeling much, much better! And it's timed with the arrival of some great sunshine today after way too many days of cold temps and gray skies hanging on as if the winter just doesn't want to let go! Starting late last week, as my white count came back up, I began to have enough of those little guys around to actually cause me to 'feel' the inflammatory response of the pneumonia and just generally to be achy, a tad feverish and a lot tired.

So I'm really glad that starting on Monday, I was able to go to work for a few hours and to spend serious hours grading papers Monday and Tuesday to get caught up. I was out and about most of the day yesterday and though really tired last night, I felt good enough to take on the whole day. And this morning, I feel even better. So the ole' bod has done a great job once again! I'm so thankful to my Maker for the wonderful, mysterious and glorious ways that the human body recovers from such insults! We are wonderfully made!

Ferrari Spirit, Volkswagon Body!

OK, I admit it. I'm frustrated...really frustrated. My mind is ready to go...ready to move on...ready to get walkin' in this beautiful weather...ready to get caught up at play and at work.

But my body on the other hand, is lagging behind! It's achy and stiff from being in bed at the hospital and gets tired way too fast. I've had to take a nap each day...a luxury that I know many of my readers lust for...but not me.

My "mind-engine" is full of life and plans and people to be with and fun things to do, so I'm ready to bounce back...ready to move on, ready to get goin'! I've got a bright and shiny exterior (especially my bald head), gas in the tank (great nutrition), no hitches in my electrical system (all nerves firing), a slightly clogged air filter (still the tiny remains of pneumonia), a gorgeous interior (my soul content with this journey), and great capacity for acceleration (motivation).

But oh, what's this? I forgot. I don't see my hands on the steering wheel! Of course, I'm not in charge of this engine! I have to be a Volkswagon for a bit longer...but it feels good to vent about it anyway!

The Meaning of Easter to Me!

This is a very special day for me and I pray for you too! I admit it...when I was a kid (which perhaps lasted until I was in my late 20's), Easter was the day I wore a pretty new spring-colored outfit and loved being part of a big family gathering complete with fun egg hunts, ham and all the trimmings.



But then I came into a whole new understanding. I now see the day totally differently. I still feel so blessed to be with family on Easter...but I also find time to be still and thank God that I now deeply understand the meaning of Christ's death for me on the cross and the victory that we now celebrate in God's victory over Jesus' death. No longer is my soul in that dark and lifeless tomb...Christ is risen and alive in my heart, in every moment of my day, like breathing in and out!

Dr. Wrigglebee I Presume!!

Dr. Wrigglebee had been fully in charge of my healing since I got home from the hospital. Here is his treatment plan...
--Lying beside me constantly to monitor all signs and symptoms
--Expecting me to follow him upstairs daily for an afternoon nap
--Kisses on my ear multiple times daily to inject his healing dog-potion
--Making me take him outside so that I'll get some fresh air
--Bringing me his ball multiple times a day, so I remember to play

All in all, his plan is working beautifully. All signs are my return to high white counts and good health are right on track!

Oh, and Dr. Wrigglebee wanted me to tell you all that he's not taking new patients right now...he says I'm a handful and all he can manage at the moment!

Thanks to my Wellness Team!

Nursing Staff on 2North
Nursing Staff in the Emergency Department
Dr. Rutherford, Emergency Department
Drs. Hannah & Cate & Deb Racster, RN
University Hospital
550 N. University Boulevard
Indianapolis, IN 46202

To all the good people on Julie Meek’s Wellness Team:

I just had to write to thank all of you for your wonderful care during my recent hospital stay, April 4-8th, 2009. I’ve shared with everyone in my life, that I absolutely had “world-class care”!

I truly appreciated…
• That when I came in late Saturday night to the ED, that the administrative staff checked me in right away and did such a good job with all my paperwork,
• That my nurses started the “post-chemo patient with fever” drill so quickly and that the lab responded so quickly, so Drs. Rutherford and Schneider knew right away what to do, thus preventing a bad situation from becoming a really life-threatening situation,
• That Dr. Rutherford was so totally peer-like in his approach to me and gave me “drips” of results vs. making me wait hours to know what was going on (believe it or not, we had a really great time sharing stories about how emergency medicine had changed since I left that world in 1992!),
• That my nurses on 2N, particularly Laura, Jaime and Jenelle, took every opportunity to ask me how I was doing and responded appropriately with both nursing intervention as well as executing the medical regimen with great precision,
• That Sharon took such good care of me and honored me by reading my ENTIRE blog after her long day at work and letting me know how much it meant to her,
• That Evan did a wonderful job meeting my every customer service need, but also adding loads of fun in his visits throughout my day,
• That the dear lady who brought my food (couldn’t see her nametag…sorry!) and the two sweet ladies who cleaned my room each day (again, couldn’t see your nametags very well as you were so busily cleaning!) were so pleasant and kind and always asked if I needed anything,
• That Dr. Hannah waited patiently the first morning while I got my doctor-son Brian on the phone and was so kind and thorough…I can tell he is a wonderful doctor and teacher!
• That Dr. Cate and all the other residents/students had so much fun placing bets on what my daily counts would be (so fun!) and advocated to get me home with Dr. Sledge (YEAH…great job Dr. Cate!),
• That Deb Racster would make a special trip back to me each afternoon with the “data” on my labs that I so loved to watch and keep track of (loved the graphs!), and
• That all the others who are unnamed here who ran my labs, cooked my food, delivered my drugs, kept my room warm, washed my linens, did the paperwork, and supervised/managed/administered the teams of people necessary to make it all work together for good, were doing their jobs too!!

So good people, great job! Please know how important your work is…each and every day. Thanks for remembering that I am a unique person…and respecting and treating me with such individualized care. Thanks for treating my husband Ted with such kindness too. You are a very special team and your passion for caring showed in every word and deed!

Home Again, Home Again Jiggity Jog

YEAH! I'm going to home sweet home right now! The resident was successful in talking them into releasing me today despite the fact that I'm not quite at the '500' threshold (461). Praise God above for His answers to all our prayers! What could have been very serious was caught in time and has turned out so well.

I've talked to many of you who are concerned about me being turned loose without supervision (smile!). I promise to take it easier for a few days until my counts return to my true normal vs. just getting above the minimally acceptable levels.

Thanks to the so many of you who have touched Ted's and my lives over the last few days...it has truly made a world of difference! Bert Bell's prayer for every last one of my budding white cells (click on 4/6 post comments) is a precious read. I don't know that ANYONE has ever had a "white cell prayer" said for them, so I felt so special. Thank you Bert for loving us and praying so eloquently on our family's behalf! Thanks to the many other prayers from all of you...I FELT them in my bones, each and every one!

The White Count Daily Press!

White count is now 1.8, up from 1.3 yesterday....YEAH! My neutrophil count is 288, up from 110 yesterday...this is the one that needs to be 500 before I can go home. I continue to have a normal temp, so we've met that criterion. I feel good. My care has been world class...everyone here at Univ Hospital has been so great. Doc thinks I should be where I need to be by tomorrow so we're hoping I can be home by tomorrow afternoon sometime. I feel the LOVE and PRAYERS comin' my way...thanks so much. I am truly blessed.

The White Count Update!

Hi gang: Thanks to so many of you who have called or emailed me or even better---commented on the blog! I feel your healing support, prayers, and hugs!

Doc was in this morning...able to get Brian on the phone to be a part of that conversation which was super helpful. Bri says I'm getting textbook great care, so it's so nice to have your very own son watching out after ya. Our sweet Jo is watching too!

So here's the scoop...the critical "poly" count that was 24 when I came in, is now 110 as of this morning's blood draw. It needs to be 500 before I can go home. But that's a four-fold+ increase in one day, so your prayers are all working! Keep 'em comin'!

I'm in the hospital but doing fine

I'm so ticked! Here I thought I was done with chemo and had escaped all the potentially more dramatic side effects. But afraid not. I had a bit of a minor cough and sore throat Thurs/Fri, but nothing big. After being out most of the day on Saturday though, we arrived home to find my temp was the magic number (101) where I was told I must call. So we arrived at the ER around 11p Sat night and discovered my white count was 1.2 (my normal is around 8) with a bit of left lower lobe pneumonia. So I was admitted around 3am Sunday and will need to stay on IV antibio's until one of the white cell types is above a certain acceptable threshold and I'm afebrile. They say "a few days". The good news...I really don't feel bad at all.

So pray that my bone marrow makes those white cells like crazy so I can get outta here! I'll go home on oral antibio's and likely be on 'house arrest' until my white count gets most of the way back to normal. I'm gonna be bored to death, so feel free to call or email me. My phone number here at University Hospital is 317-274-9061. Don't worry about calling during the day...you all know naps are not possible in hospitals...so I'll be up!

Rewarding Myself!

I feel really good that chemo is over. I was doing a task I've done a gazzilion times over these past two semesters...printing off readings, punching holes, stapling and getting my course work organized, when it hit me...I need a reward! So here's a picture of the 30+ year old dull 3-hole punch I was using with my pencil marks as guides. A real beauty and such capacity...it could do 3 whole pages at a time!


And here's my brand new Staples delight! What took me an hour before took me 5 minutes with this puppy! I was squealing with delight!


And if you're like me and still have a stapler that looks like the one in the foreground, get right out there to Staples and get the one in the background (they come in really cool colors). As it turns out, mankind has also made a huge leap forward in stapler technology! Who knew??