We're Back!

We arrived safely home from Cabo late Thursday night, so spent yesterday sorting through all the versions of mail...e-, voice, and paper, plus laundering and sadly putting all our summer clothes back in storage as it's still 35 degrees here today!

We had an absolutely wonderful, restful time in Cabo. The picture above is one of many Ted took of the sunrises on the beach...just beautiful! Each day we awoke with the sun to walk or read, then hit a shady spot underneath a papala (hut) for fun on the beach and in the pool with our friends, then dinner out and to bed to arise and repeat the process all over again. Ted and I, being snow-skiing people, had never had a vacation this restful! So again, thanks to our friends Kurt and Joey, for making it such a special week for us! I felt really good from Friday forward, so really was able to optimize the time there.

As a perfect way to dull the pain of coming back from vacation, Kyle arrived last evening from NYC, to spend the weekend with us! So we're enjoying time with him and will have a fun night with his/our good friends Evan, Aaron, Matt, Lisa, Chad and Emmalee tonight.

So on Monday, we're back to work and anticipating another round of chemo this coming Thursday...so it's back to the reality of treatment. I just learned that my oncologist adopted a baby, so she is off on a well deserved parental leave through May 5th. So one of her associates will be seeing me this week. We continue to prepare a list of questions for each visit and are learning more and more about what to expect down the road, which is good.

Once again, we were so thankful for this break in the action...it was a wonderful time of enjoying God's beautiful scenery and the love of friends!

Heading for Fun!

So I think this chemo round is mostly behind me! My bod was telling me to stay in bed this morning, but I forced myself to get up and as the day has gone on, I'm not quite back to normal, but feeling much better than the last two days.

So tomorrow at 7AM, we're headed for a great week in Cabo, thanks to our good friends Kurt and Joey. I'm fully prepared to NOT be in the sun, NOT drink the water or any version thereof. I'm also fully prepared to spend some days at the spa, walk the beach, read a great book, take naps every day and just completely hang out and play with our friends.

Ted is hoping that the winter will be long gone when we return and we'll soon be enjoying spring with the neighbors in our courtyard. So for all those still braving the cold this week, you have our sympathies. Stay warm and safe and we'll upload some good Cabo pics when we return!

Mr. Fatigue Visits

A great colleague of mine put it best I think...she wants Mr. Fatigue to go away! Unfortunately, I'm still a bit puny this morning, so hopefully this is the last day he will languish! Overall, things went much better than last time however, and we had a wonderful time visiting with Joel and Jo from San Fran. All were very good about seeing me go down for naps every 3 hours or so, and I think Joel/Jo appreciated the rest too! Sis-and bro-in-law Donna and Mark brought wonderful food for us which brought comfort throughout the weekend. Thanks for all the 'touches' many of you gave us throughout this chemo, that let us know you were thinking of us. I'm hoping one more day and we'll be able to kick this treatment good-bye and gladly say...only 2 more chemo's to go!!

So Far, So Good

It's crazy today...but I can FEEL so many of you thinking about me today and wondering how I'm doing, that I felt compelled to post an update! Man oh man, your VIBES are STRONG!! I'm actually feeling better than I did the last time at this point. I'm trying a few new strategies this time, that hopefully will make the fated 3rd through 5th day go better too (tomorrow thru Tuesday), so let's pray for that!

Joel and Jo flew home from San Fran, arriving via the red-eye yesterday morning, so we just kept things low key most of the day so they could get some rest and I could too!

Tonight, we're celebrating Valentine's Day having a nice dinner and I'm sure, some great conversation together with them! I'll post again as the days move along. For now, I feel your good prayers...keep 'em comin!

Perseverance

OK, I admit it! As tomorrow draws near and I anticipate my second round of chemo...my 'gut' isn't exactly looking forward to it! Sure, we've done all we can to maximize my comfort...I'll be wearing the prayer shawl that my sweet sister Marilyn made for me, I'll have Ted and Nanno (my dear sis-in-law) with me which will be a total laugh-fest, and I'll be carrying my new Vera Bradley snack bag full of water and snacks for the afternoon (arrived yesterday, thanks to my friend Kathy). So the part I'm talking about is just the drug part...the drugs make me feel so very toxic and as a 'wellness person', it's so hard for me to re-orient my head around the good that these drugs are doing to fight those nasty cancer cells.

So I thought it very pertinent that God would give me reminders about perseverance this morning. Here goes...

My devotion for this day comes from Joshua and is the "river parting" story. It talks about how the people didn't "test the waters" before taking God at His word. No, they broke camp, packed up, formed a a line down to the river and marched right in. The phrase that spoke to me the most was "The reason we are so often balked by difficulties is that we expect to see them removed before we try to pass through them." In my initial gut reaction, that's so true for me! When I was younger, I wanted God to take the difficulty away instead of understanding that I needed to march into the river, taking God at His word. The devotion goes on to describe the story of Chris Columbus' tortuous journey to find the New World. Where would we all be had it not been for his famous mantra "Sail on, sail on!"?

So what carries us through? Well, here's what my Starbuck's cup said on the back today!

"There is a subtle difference between a mission and a promise. A mission is something you strive to accomplish--a promise is something you are compelled to keep. One is individual, the other is shared. When a mission and a promise are one and the same...that's when mountains are moved and races are won."

Hala Moddelmog, President and CEO of Susan G. Komen for the Cure.

So I'm reminded once again of the need to "step into the water" before the obstacle is removed, taking God at His word, because I have a mission and a promise that is not yet finished!! I don't yet "see the land", but I know it's there. So, sail on, sail on!

The Latest "Buzz"

We've had a "follicular fallout" of gigantic proportions! When I showered this morning and saw a veritable toupe' covering the shower drain, I knew we had to do something. So I called my dear friend, Cathy Pearcy Freyn, and knew that she would rush to my rescue. She showed up at my door with her bright shining face saying "have shears will travel"!! I thought the shock of my bald head would be too much for some, so I'm pictured here with Cathy, who put the final touches on my new wig.

So it's official. I'm in cueball mode. I'm just saying girlfriends...if you read Ted's post at AskIndyTed, you'll have a much greater appreciation of the coping required for this phase of my treatment!!

How Cancer is Changing Me...So Far at Least!!

I write this posting totally "tongue in cheek" as I'm a behavior change specialist by trade! Behavior change is not a light switch event which is what most of us would like right? But oh no, much harder than that. We have the best of intentions...we start, we relapse, we start again...please insert the behavior change you're trying to accomplish..."always wearing a seat belt, losing weight, spending more time with your kids, daily prayer"...you name it, this process applies!

So even though I KNOW how to change from my years of graduate work, I'm just like everybody else and struggle just as much! But here are some real behavior changes in my own life that I'm noticing pretty consistently so far....

I've strung more days in a row where I've really gone to a quiet place and prayed for you all.
I'm much more likely to move from good intentions to action, when one of you is hurting and I want you to know I care.
I'm much more focused on what someone is really saying to me, for the underlying need or meaning of the dialogue, than I used to be.
I'm hugging Teddy until he falls asleep nearly every night.
I spend more time caring and less time working...and my caring "work" is what I'm drawn to do first before my work "work".
I'm staying in closer touch with friends and family.
And well yes, I'm adding more servings of vegie's and fruits each day (doesn't belong with the list above, but a change nonetheless)

I could go on and on, but the point is this...why did I wait to have cancer to STOP for a second, slow my pace, quit being so "busy", and devote more of my TIME to what I care about the most! You all know me well...my intentions & my heart have always been there and I've done OK...but my time was ever so pressed in by competing priorities!

I guess I'm only completely, pathetically, woefully human! God help us all!

My God of Surprises!!

Are you like me in that you sometimes think "God (!!), I'm down here struggling...are you up there listening? If you're hearing me, where the heck are ya? I need you and I can't feel you!"

Well I'll tell ya...that the last few days of my life have been well...shocking in terms of God's presence in my life! My mouth has been hanging open in amazement...and actually I've found it quite hilarious that God would send angels for things that are important to me, but frankly leave me wondering "God, there are things like world peace and Barack's to-do list...why are you helping me with this?"

Let me give you two examples in just the last four days. Here in Indy, we got huge amounts of snow early last week. Our condo's snow removal people had dutifully cleared our front walk and the sidewalk across our whole block, but the snow plows promptly dumped the street's blackened snow back over the whole area. So the morning of the Hair Ball, Ted and I looked out to try and figure out how people were going to get to our front door! Ted (IU-degreed!) shoveled a 'break' in the impasse through to the street from our front walk vs. trying to shovel the entire block! So it's around 10AM and I hear this engine-type noise. I look out to see a 20-yr-old kid snow blowing the entire block in front of our house! I couldn't believe it! I ran out to him and said to him "Do you know you're my angel today?'" and told him why we were having a party that night. He smiled but turned solemn and said..."My grandma is having chemo now too for breast cancer, so I didn't know, but now I'm glad I could help you."

The second example goes to the depths of my heart. You know my Teddy...sweet, loyal, always there for all of us. In the midst of the speed at which this has all happened upon our family and with Christmas on top of it all, I don't think my diagnosis really hit him until last week! So my most fervent prayer all along has been that God would find ways to comfort us as a couple going through this and also that God would find ways to comfort our kids. So after an all faculty meeting at IU yesterday, a prof I hardly know asked if I would come to her office for a moment. She promptly shared that she had heard about my cancer diagnosis and that she and a colleague were completing a study of how effective a particular series of 3 reading/discussion modules were in helping couples optimize their treatment journey. She said that she had leftover materials and wondered if they might help Ted and me and promptly handed me a book entitled "Breast Cancer Husband". Do you believe that?

It gets better. I asked that if Ted was OK with it, if we could still be part of the study? She replied yes, of course. I asked who the principal investigators were...to which she replied Drs. Robert Goulet and Kathy Miller...our very doctors!

So back to my first question...do you think God isn't a God of all knowing? of all listening? from snow removal to helping you find a way through the toughest challenge? Think again...and bring all your worries to Him and then wait and watch...He will be your God of Surprises too!